Liliana

Like I'm not even allowed to show anger in my eyes.

Like, and I'll get to that.

But so a lot of times if I was getting like lectured or punished for something or something, I started like,

Instead of gritting my teeth or just kind of like because they could always see it in my face if I got mad So then I started focusing my energy like more in my hands So then I would just start gripping myself and digging my my nails into myself and stuff like that And I was like wait, this was actually really effective.

So At eight years old when I was upset I would go up to my room and I would scratch my legs until they bled I would like pinch myself.

I would pull my hair out in my brain.

I genuinely thought it was better and

I had been doing it for a while, and I remember my mom, like, I think she was complaining about him, like, being mad and, like, slamming stuff or something.

And she was like, I get that he's angry, but he doesn't need to act like that.

And I was like, yeah, I know.

Like, when I'm angry, I just scratch myself.

And she, like, just looked at me, and she was like, what?

And I was like, yeah.

She was like, don't do that.

And I was like, why not?

She was like, because, like, just don't do that.

But that's the only thing she said about it.

So obviously, I just continued doing it.

Like I said earlier, I really loved school.

I loved learning.