Lucy Biggers

It's just always there.

And I remember anytime I used to get a critique when I was still in this group thing,

would spiral.

Like, if I had any kind of feedback that was, like, signaling to me that I was not part of the group, I would have anxiety for days because my sense of self was built on sand.

Like, I truly was just constantly pinging the group to be like, what are my opinions?

Am I a good ally?

Am I a good ally?

Am I doing everything right to show that I'm part of this movement?

And it was so exhausting.

And I say this anecdote sometimes that by the end of it, and this is 2020, and I'm at home during COVID, and I started to binge watch this reality show, Survivor.

And I remember thinking I wanted to post, I like Survivor on my Instagram, but I was afraid that people would think it was a privileged opinion because it takes place in Fiji, the global South, and it's like American reality show.

And I was like, oh my God, people are gonna think I'm like a privileged woman for liking Survivor.

Which is like, that was the level of like self-censorship.

And like, I guess this is like tangential to the climate stuff, but honestly, it can't be separated.

It was all like an overwhelming thing.

I will say too, one thing we didn't talk about other than having my son was also living through COVID was a huge moment where I created separation from the group because we were shut down, couldn't leave, freedoms were on hold.

And during that whole year, our carbon emissions went down by 5%.

And at that point, I'm like,

Net zero by 2015."

And then I'm like, wait a minute.