Malakia Lazuli (Greg)

But she recognized us.

And she helped us.

Helped us realize what we had to do.

As for why we're doing this... Well, we've always been a little on the sketchy side of things, I guess you could say.

Secretly, of course.

Eventually, we started to wonder what's gonna happen to us.

When we died, I mean.

We were raised Catholic, so we already had some idea.

And college didn't completely numb the worry.

That's when we started to get into all the paranormal shit.

To see if there might be more to the universe than the Big G. You know, aliens, interdimensional beings, the Matrix.

Anything that might mean we weren't going to hell.

No matter what we do, we're going straight to hell.

But there's a silver lining, if you can believe it.

We get to come back.

Not immediately, mind you, but eventually.

Their marks may not be the biggest or the most elaborate, but they're still pretty damn good.

Nope.

You intended to capitalize on the work we did for you, all while giving us the shaft.

So we decided to make you squeal like a pig.