Mallory Ervin
speaker
199 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard Jan 2025
Mallory Ervin’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
You gave me so much and I'm sorry. I don't know how I got to this point. And will you take it away from me? Will you take it away from me? Like the need to take this prescription medicine, will you just help me like be the person that I was?
And I always thought that like how God would answer that prayer for me would be, I would wake up in the morning and I wouldn't want to take these pills anymore that I knew were like destroying my life. And what I realize now is his answer to my prayer was going to that treatment center. But I mean, faith was so big for me even then. And faith was a
It was different because I saw God as I knew he was loving and I knew he was going to be the person that was going to help me make the difference. But I also felt like he had to be disappointed in me, too, because I knew all the gifts that I'd been given, my singing voice and my family. I knew those were things that he had given me. You know, those were blessings that I was given.
And I really believed what they said, you know, that to whom much is given, much is required. And I knew that I'd done great things in my life, but I also knew that this was not the way that like, this was not where I was meant to be. Squandering all the gifts that I'd been given, like living my life like this, like isolating myself from my family.
And I was so far from the person that I knew I wanted to be. And then I knew that I felt like God wanted me to be. But what I know now, I don't. I don't feel like he was ever disappointed in me.
I feel like that was part of my journey because where I'm at now and like the book and the podcast and the way that people see me and the face of addiction looking a lot different to a lot of people that watch me on the internet, I know that was all part of the plan.
And God ushered me into that part of my story, just like he placed a crown on my head, just like he had me born in Morganville, Kentucky and living on that little farm, being an example to my family. siblings and cousins working at Bud's Country Corner and being this little country kid. It was all part of my story. And so faith was, I clung to faith then.
Faith saved my life, but faith like orchestrated me into this part of my journey too. And it allowed me to be a story in the back of people's minds when they're going through addiction or when they're struggling with something or where they're standing in front of a goal and they're like, there's absolutely no way someone like me could achieve that because this has happened to me.
they can look at me and remember my story and be like, oh my gosh, you know that blonde girl that lives in Nashville, Tennessee on the internet? I think she went to rehab for six months after she did Miss America. My faith was everything. My faith saved my life. He answered my prayers. And then now my faith is... You know what I say every single day? I'm so thankful for my life.
I say it to my husband like every day that we wake up in this beautiful home and I look outside and I see this peony garden that I planted and I see this swimming pool and I see these three kids running around the backyard and riding motorcycles. I just, I feel, not because I have to be like, here's a gratitude journal and I wanna do gratitude so I can feel abundant.
I feel overwhelming, overflowing gratitude every single day for my life. I do every single day and I say to my husband, I can't, can you believe it? that we got here because we also overcame so many things in our relationship. We broke up so many times. He dated me in active addiction. Like the week that we broke up was the week that things crashed and burned for me.
And then I ended up going to treatment. You know, he saw me at the lowest of the, like, can you believe it? What the Lord has given us. And we've been through different sorts of challenges where we've had to cling to our faith. We've had now five pregnancy losses and, We've been through challenges in our relationship before we got married. And we struggled financially when we first got married.
And, you know, there were just so many things that we had to just really trust the Lord. And like faith has played so many different roles for me, but I say thank you a lot. Now I just say thank you and I can't believe it. And I say a lot because I've been given a lot now and I know that I have a lot. And I pray the prayer that with all of this, that you, this abundance that you have given me,
do with it what you want me to do with it. Cause I know you gave it to me for a reason. I mean, I look at how much you give and do and are to other people and just how much like you give away. And I, I, that's the next piece of it. I pray a lot. I want, I want my faith to guide me because he's given me so much and I want my faith to guide me into like Why did you give me this?
What is it that you'll have me do with this? That's what my faith is for me now. Do you ever doubt that God exists? Not one single time in my whole life have I doubted. No. I always knew. Even when I was, I don't want to say frustrated or mad, but I can still remember sometimes when hard things would happen. I remember my first pregnancy loss.
or like when my sister lost a baby, it was like her miracle baby and she lost a baby, he was five weeks old. There have been times where like, I was at the Vanderbilt Children's Hospital when my sister, It was during COVID that she lost her son. And we knew he had a heart defect and he would have to have a couple surgeries after he was born.
And there are times in my life where, you know, we never got to visit him in the hospital because it was right when COVID started. It was March of 2020. And they would not let us come and be there with them, going through this terrible, terrible thing, their child being on life support. And is he going to make it? Is he not? Yeah.
So we only got to go on the day that we knew they were going to disconnect those machines and he was not going to. We were meeting him. We knew the day that we met him that that was the day we were saying hello and goodbye all at the same time. And there are moments like that. I can remember being in that bathroom at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital.
And I went on to my knees and I was like, why in the world would you take a baby? Because it was just, you know, you don't understand why things that hard to have to happen to people that good. And there are times in my life where I ask him questions like that and like, dang it, like, why in the world would you do this, God? It doesn't make any sense. What's happening right now?
I don't see the good in this. And I know you're good. And now it's been four years since that happened. And I can see the reason for that, even though it was really terrible and really hard, but I never doubted that he existed. And Jamie, I feel lucky for that because I feel like ever since I was a child,
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