Maria McErlane

Mm-hmm.

I thought I had time to get a cough in there.

Okay.

Dear Graham and Maria and fellow wangers, I hope you can impart some advice to a man who should have known better.

Sick bags on standby, but being a mature gentleman... Oh, God.

Being a mature gentleman approaching Graham's age... An old person.

My God.

He's already angered you by saying approaching Graham's age.

I found myself falling in love with a young lady at work who is at the tender age of 23.

I tried desperately not to, being her manager and having been married for 35 years, but the heart will not be constrained.

I don't think it's the heart that's involved here.

Despite my best efforts... It's empty bag.

Despite my best efforts, I fell hook, line and sinker, head over heels and all the other idioms.

My life felt happier, every song on the radio had new meaning, and my heart leapt every time I saw her.

I would lie awake at night trying to work out how I could include her in my life, but then also visualising the horror, disappointment and disgust on my 30-year-old daughter's faces, never mind my wife's reaction.

We exchanged messages at work, mainly work-related, but I progressively started to include comments about how much I enjoy her presence in the office and questions about what she might like for her birthday, being such a special person to me, but nothing sexual or suggestive.

I'm not a total monster, brackets.

I'd obsess over her every response and read much more into our exchanges than was actually there.

I finally saw the light, came to my senses, told her what an idiot I am and apologised for my behaviour.

I'm not seeking affirmation that I was doing nothing wrong or abuse for my actions.