Mariel Segarra

I was putting away the dishes.

And I did try to screw it back on, but it wasn't working.

I was going to need to take out the tools, and I did not have the energy for that.

Also, I'm going to be honest, I didn't even take the screw out.

So here we are, days later, and every time I open the cabinet, I forget and I get poked in the hand by the pointy end of a screw.

Why does it feel like there's so much we have to do just to stay alive and be reasonably comfortable?

Also, these tasks, they always make themselves known to me at the least convenient times.

Like I go to wash my hands and wouldn't you know it, the soap dispenser is empty.

These tasks fall under the category of the mental load, which is basically the weight of all the things you need to do or think you need to do to stay alive, maintain a household and take care of your loved ones.

The load feels heavy and it often feels emotional, like it's deeper than the soap or the screw or the carton of milk that you just noticed is almost empty.

This is Leah Rappanner, a sociologist at the University of Melbourne who studies this concept of the mental load.

She says one tip is just to start to notice these moments and specifically how weighty a certain task feels.

Leah has a new book out called Drained.

Reduce your mental load to do less and be more.

It offers research-backed tools to help identify where your energy is going and how you might spend it better.

Now, research shows that women and mothers tend to carry most of the mental load in their households, and they're feeling burnt out because of it.

It does feel worth acknowledging that here.

But whether we're partnered or single, and regardless of our gender or sexual orientation... Everyone is carrying a mental load.

Especially if we're caring for other people.

On this episode of Life Kit, how to lighten your mental load.