Mark Groves

But if we shame the thing we're feeling, then, you know, much like we were saying, like, if we identify as being boundaryless, then it's a lot harder to change. But if it's a collection of behaviors and survival strategies that got us exactly where we are, newsflash, they were perfect then. They did exactly what they were meant to do.

So, what I'll often say to people when they're like, oh, I'm like, what's wrong with me that I can't, first I like narcissists, now I can't even like a nice guy. It's being able to see that often there might be actually truth to your somatic response, which is that kindness isn't always clean. that sometimes kindness is contrived. Sometimes it's manipulative. It's the more fawning response.

So, what I'll often say to people when they're like, oh, I'm like, what's wrong with me that I can't, first I like narcissists, now I can't even like a nice guy. It's being able to see that often there might be actually truth to your somatic response, which is that kindness isn't always clean. that sometimes kindness is contrived. Sometimes it's manipulative. It's the more fawning response.

So, what I'll often say to people when they're like, oh, I'm like, what's wrong with me that I can't, first I like narcissists, now I can't even like a nice guy. It's being able to see that often there might be actually truth to your somatic response, which is that kindness isn't always clean. that sometimes kindness is contrived. Sometimes it's manipulative. It's the more fawning response.

And that's why they say like, nice guys finish last, because really the kindness is coming from a place of manipulation. So being able to say no to something, like it's better for you to say no to something that's a yes, than yes to something that's a no.

And that's why they say like, nice guys finish last, because really the kindness is coming from a place of manipulation. So being able to say no to something, like it's better for you to say no to something that's a yes, than yes to something that's a no.

And that's why they say like, nice guys finish last, because really the kindness is coming from a place of manipulation. So being able to say no to something, like it's better for you to say no to something that's a yes, than yes to something that's a no.

So accessing no, and when you say no to something that's a yes, you discover more about the value of the things in your life that you don't have because you don't have it, right? But if you say yes to something that's a no, you put yourself in circumstances that you actually shouldn't be.

So accessing no, and when you say no to something that's a yes, you discover more about the value of the things in your life that you don't have because you don't have it, right? But if you say yes to something that's a no, you put yourself in circumstances that you actually shouldn't be.

So accessing no, and when you say no to something that's a yes, you discover more about the value of the things in your life that you don't have because you don't have it, right? But if you say yes to something that's a no, you put yourself in circumstances that you actually shouldn't be.

Yeah, such a good question, and I think we all can find ourselves in that, like, how do I know if this is actually... I would definitely look at someone's relationship... Patterns.

Yeah, such a good question, and I think we all can find ourselves in that, like, how do I know if this is actually... I would definitely look at someone's relationship... Patterns.

Yeah, such a good question, and I think we all can find ourselves in that, like, how do I know if this is actually... I would definitely look at someone's relationship... Patterns.

Yeah. So if they have this sort of like, I want the excitement, the chemistry, the thing, but their history is like unreliable, liars, betrayers, cheaters, you know... Is this true for this person?

Yeah. So if they have this sort of like, I want the excitement, the chemistry, the thing, but their history is like unreliable, liars, betrayers, cheaters, you know... Is this true for this person?

Yeah. So if they have this sort of like, I want the excitement, the chemistry, the thing, but their history is like unreliable, liars, betrayers, cheaters, you know... Is this true for this person?

Well, what happens is the nervous system is still like we're confusing chemistry with unreliability and unpredictability. And so there's an excitation that occurs, almost like we might say in the thrill of the chase, but I would say it's in the thrill of the desire to change and the desire to finally resolve that that person will change and I will be the person that they change for.

Well, what happens is the nervous system is still like we're confusing chemistry with unreliability and unpredictability. And so there's an excitation that occurs, almost like we might say in the thrill of the chase, but I would say it's in the thrill of the desire to change and the desire to finally resolve that that person will change and I will be the person that they change for.

Well, what happens is the nervous system is still like we're confusing chemistry with unreliability and unpredictability. And so there's an excitation that occurs, almost like we might say in the thrill of the chase, but I would say it's in the thrill of the desire to change and the desire to finally resolve that that person will change and I will be the person that they change for.

I'll finally be enough. I'd say there's probably a father wound in there. And so what happens is that I think of this as like we've eroticized our pain. So we've actually taken what we do with the unreliability as we then experience arousal, and then the arousal treats the unreliability. So it actually numbs it. So it becomes like an erotic addiction.