Mark Manson

I'd say the first one, first and foremost, is self-awareness. ultimately, if you're not aware of a problem in your life or a tendency in your life, you can't do anything about it. Right. And self-awareness is it's, it's people talk about it all the time. It's a very tricky thing. It's very slippery thing.

I'd say the first one, first and foremost, is self-awareness. ultimately, if you're not aware of a problem in your life or a tendency in your life, you can't do anything about it. Right. And self-awareness is it's, it's people talk about it all the time. It's a very tricky thing. It's very slippery thing.

Sometimes the more you try to grasp it, the more it slips out of your grasp because we're very good at tricking and deluding ourselves. You know, it's everybody kind of thinks like, well, I know what's going on in my life. Like I, I know why I did that. I know why I'm thinking this way. And it's

Sometimes the more you try to grasp it, the more it slips out of your grasp because we're very good at tricking and deluding ourselves. You know, it's everybody kind of thinks like, well, I know what's going on in my life. Like I, I know why I did that. I know why I'm thinking this way. And it's

It's actually the process of developing self-awareness is in some ways it should be an uncomfortable process. It should involve questioning your own assumptions, questioning your motivations. Like if you say you just had an argument with your partner, obviously you think you're right. Obviously you think you know what you're doing. But being able to step back and say, but what if I don't?

It's actually the process of developing self-awareness is in some ways it should be an uncomfortable process. It should involve questioning your own assumptions, questioning your motivations. Like if you say you just had an argument with your partner, obviously you think you're right. Obviously you think you know what you're doing. But being able to step back and say, but what if I don't?

What if I'm actually wrong? What if they're actually right? What would that mean? What would that suggest about me? What would that suggest about my view of the world? And actually being able to sit with that for a certain amount of time, like that is a skill. That is something that you practice and develop over a long period of time. And like most skills, it's when you're bad at it, it's not fun.

What if I'm actually wrong? What if they're actually right? What would that mean? What would that suggest about me? What would that suggest about my view of the world? And actually being able to sit with that for a certain amount of time, like that is a skill. That is something that you practice and develop over a long period of time. And like most skills, it's when you're bad at it, it's not fun.

So most people avoid it.

So most people avoid it.

Well, the first thing that comes to mind for me, the biggest thing for me is I historically was very avoidant in my relationships. I was the guy who would... find exit plans to every intimate relationship. When it's uncomfortable. Exactly. And well, every time things got too intimate, I would kind of freak out and like find an excuse to slip out or sabotage things.

Well, the first thing that comes to mind for me, the biggest thing for me is I historically was very avoidant in my relationships. I was the guy who would... find exit plans to every intimate relationship. When it's uncomfortable. Exactly. And well, every time things got too intimate, I would kind of freak out and like find an excuse to slip out or sabotage things.

And when I was younger, I basically torpedoed a bunch of good relationships for no good reason.

And when I was younger, I basically torpedoed a bunch of good relationships for no good reason.

And at the time when I was doing it, I thought, Like everybody, I thought I was justified and rational and being reasonable and everything. But as the years went on, I realized when I look back, I was like, yeah, that was kind of selfish. That was a little bit unjustified. That was a little bit irrational. I was definitely being triggered. Some baggage was being triggered.

And at the time when I was doing it, I thought, Like everybody, I thought I was justified and rational and being reasonable and everything. But as the years went on, I realized when I look back, I was like, yeah, that was kind of selfish. That was a little bit unjustified. That was a little bit irrational. I was definitely being triggered. Some baggage was being triggered.

And so when I met my wife... I kind of went into it with more self-awareness around this. I was like, okay, clearly I'm an avoidant attachment type. I clearly get triggered around intimacy and have irrational reactions and want to escape and want to run away. And I made a deal with myself is I said, look, you can always break up with her. That's always on the table. You're never trapped.

And so when I met my wife... I kind of went into it with more self-awareness around this. I was like, okay, clearly I'm an avoidant attachment type. I clearly get triggered around intimacy and have irrational reactions and want to escape and want to run away. And I made a deal with myself is I said, look, you can always break up with her. That's always on the table. You're never trapped.

But you're only allowed to break up with her for a good reason. It can never be over something stupid. It can never be over like a dumb fight you started over who loaded the dishwasher wrong. It's always gotta be a real reason, like a values difference or a communication problem or a breach of trust or something. It can never be over something really dumb because that's what I had done

But you're only allowed to break up with her for a good reason. It can never be over something stupid. It can never be over like a dumb fight you started over who loaded the dishwasher wrong. It's always gotta be a real reason, like a values difference or a communication problem or a breach of trust or something. It can never be over something really dumb because that's what I had done