Mark Wahlberg

And it hurt pretty bad.

He somehow pinned my shoulders to the ground and no matter how hard I kicked and punched him, he wouldn't let up.

So I was forced to use plan B. I pulled up my trusty Bear Grylls survival knife and stabbed him in the gut twice.

This finally got his attention, and he hopped back to his heels, slinging blood all over me in the process.

I got back to my feet, knife in hand, and waited for him to do something else.

All he did, though, was stick a finger in his wound, then lick the blood off, then cartwheel into the woods, crying like an actual newborn baby this time.

Now, by this point, I was pretty on edge, and right as he got far enough away that I could no longer hear him, I turned and walked home.

I know I should have run, but running through the woods is so tiring and I just didn't feel like it.

When I got home, all was normal again.

For a while.

Another story that comes to mind when I think about odd things happening around the area is the event that led to me no longer camping in the woods.

By the time that the events of this story took place, I had already experienced quite a few things on this property.

And this was easily the third freakiest thing to happen up to that point, right behind the naked stab victim that cried like a newborn baby and cartwheeled out into the woods.

This time I had decided that I wanted to go camping.

Despite all the stuff that had happened, I had never been seriously injured in those woods, so why not go sleep in them?

Bad choice, I know.

Anyways, the first few hours when I got into the woods went fine.

I set up camp, built a fire, burnt myself trying to cook a hot dog, piss on fire that burnt me.

Then I started to realize camping's pretty boring when you're all alone, so I decided to go to sleep.

Next thing I know, I wake up to the sound of a young girl's voice down in the creek.