Mark Wahlberg
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Appearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
Anyway, I move in without any issues, and within a week, I'm out on some of the trails that were already there, looking for deer tracks and other game trails.
I'm actually having a pretty relaxing time until I swear I heard a baby say, Mama, in the most stereotypical voice I've ever heard off in the distance.
now like i said i'm here in the middle of nowhere so there shouldn't be anyone for miles i just shook it off as me hearing things 20 minutes later i heard the same voice say mama again only this time it's 40 yards away on the other side of some trees and brush it didn't even sound like a real baby it just sounded like some disturbed dude mama of course at this point he's definitely on my property as well
I start making my way through the undergrowth.
Then, when I'm sure I'm about to hit where he was, the brush clears out to a clearing and I finally get a glimpse of the man.
He was butt naked and halfway behind a tree, and flaunting a huge smile while his eyes stayed kinda squinty.
He was also pretty skinny, as I could see his ribs.
Now, usually you hear people say that at this moment, my blood ran cold, but honestly, mine didn't.
I was looking at some butt naked crackhead trespassing on my property.
He decided to let out another mama during silence when I was trying to figure out my next move.
So I probably responded with a hearty, what the actual fuck are you doing?
That's when he decided my next move for me.
This is going to be a long one.
He started running at me and I might have run away if he hadn't been so scrawny.
So when he reached me with that big smile and looked like he was about to grab me, I punched him in the throat.
I was proud of it, honestly.
It would have kept any normal man on the ground for at least a minute.
This is when I got the first hint that this wasn't a normal man.
While I was standing there, proud of my Mike Tyson level haymaker, the guy immediately got back to his feet and before I had time to hit him again, he dive tackled me to the ground.