Mary Beth Chapman

And, you know, you obviously just...

do the best you can I mean other than you know I feel like the Lord gave us some really beautiful pictures of what it's like to love fiercely your family and protect your family and gave us glimpses of knowing how

how real it is when you lose at that level, you taste, you really do taste and see that the Lord is good in a really weird way because there's just been this devastating loss.

But then you see very clearly for a while, it's like somebody just takes all the filters off.

And so there were pieces and times of that journey that it was a gift, but then you felt guilty about that too, because it's like,

I'm feeling guilty about it.

I feel like this is guilt, but it's at the cost of a horrible thing and all the things.

So it is – I tell people all the time I went on a free fall of faith.

I was like I was just falling through the air and that I eventually landed on the firm foundation that is Jesus.

I face planted and on any given day, I still feel like I'm –

Yeah, fallen a little bit, but it was really, really hard to navigate.

And he did beautiful leading our family, but it wasn't for the faint of heart.

It still isn't at times.