Matt McCusker

I'm going to start a vacation resort.

That way I can get paid to be on vacation.

yeah and then like i sobered up and i was like i'm gonna need about 500 million dollars to do that you know so that was that was my big idea but i was gonna like call my parents i was gonna drop out of school i was gonna i had people that like owed me money i was gonna call them like hey don't worry about it blah blah blah because you just thought that's not for that's not for matt for like three lovely hours i was above money i was like i don't even need that stuff who cares about it but yeah so then after that i started getting like panic attacks somewhere in that and then that's when i got hit at that office and it was just like it just rocked oh so you thought it was maybe shroom affiliated

That was the first time I really got, like, a whole-body anxiety feeling, really.

Yeah.

That I was, like, consciously aware of, at least.

So then when, like, that feeling returned out of nowhere, and, you know, caffeine will set it off, I was just like, what the fuck is this?

Because before, I was like, oh, I'm just tripping, I guess.

And just...

Yeah, I mean, I got them so early on that like... For me, it was like my early 20s, and I kind of just like...

I just kind of wrote them out, and it's really hard.

They used to pop up on stage, and that would be like I'm talking where I'm thinking while I'm saying something else, and it's like a... Well, stand-up's like that anyway, but it's worse because you're really aware of it.

Mm-hmm.

Mine will last like...

Yeah, like, that's why I don't drink coffee before I do stand-up, because if that, like, caffeine... I fucking do shots of espresso.

I don't know if it's related.

My heart will start to race, and then I'll be talking, and my heart will be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I'm like, oh, I'm going to have a fucking heart attack, and then I'll get a flood of anxiety while I'm still trying to perform, and then I have to, like, do a thing where I'm like, hey, if I die, I die, and that's, like, the only cure for it.

That's the one thing about anxiety that I don't like.

I mean, you know, people medicate against it, whatever, but for me, like, when I got panic attacks...

Like, I needed to, like, my body was basically being like, dude, the way you're living is fucking nuts.