Matt Willis

And looking back on it, it was, one, didn't serve me at all.

I was never truthful or honest about anything.

I just couldn't be.

I didn't really know what that was.

I think it's not until I started therapy, really, I kind of stopped performing.

I mean, I think that was my kind of...

My thing is I was always, it was a performance act of I'm all right, I'm killing it, I'm doing all right.

You know, like I'm this guy, this wacky guy or like feeding into these ideas of what other people wanted me to be.

And it's not until I started therapy that I really kind of went, oh, actually, how do I feel?

And I never really asked myself that question.

The strange thing about the drinking as well is that when you get to the stage when you know it's wrong or like socially acceptable and you do it anyway, that's when you're in, for me, like the really murky territory of, I kind of really feel like a drink, but I'm not going to, I'm not going to.

express that to anyone because I know it's quite early and I wouldn't want them thinking I'm drinking so I'll just have the drink and then I'll hide it I went through a lot of that I'd walk past a pub and it would be I'd just pop in quickly have a quick drink boom and then I'd kind of just ignore the fact that I'd had a drink and then that might happen again

And then, you know, later, when you're with your friends, it's like, oh, shall we have a drink?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then you've got away with it.

And, like, so I used to do that all the time.

There'd be more drinking than there actually was on paper.

Yeah.

And then all of a sudden you're, like, a bit pissed, but nobody else is pissed.

And it's kind of like, well, why is he pissed?