Matthew Hussey

So it might be that for you right now, over giving makes you feel safe, makes you feel indispensable.

it might be that that's a model for love you've learned, that you only really feel safe in a situation where you're giving more than the other person is, that you're not worthy of being in a situation where someone just loves you for you and not because of everything you do all the time.

The second thing I want to say is that when you go into a situation trying to give like that because it seems nice and it seems like a kind thing to do and someone else needs you, there's another human being in that room that also needs you.

When we're in a room with one friend, there are two human beings in that room.

And our responsibility is just as much to us, if not more, than it is to the friend.

Because our job is to take care of ourselves.

It's the only job we'll ever have for the rest of our lives.

It's the only job we've always had our whole lives.

You are your human.

Your job, no one else out of the eight billion people on this earth, no one else has the job of taking care of the human that is you.

No one.

It's your job.

So the next time you find yourself in a situation where you're over-giving, say to yourself, what are you doing?

You had one job.

You had one job.

Take care of this human.

And right now, this human is starving.

for love, because you have put her in a situation where she is giving non-stop to somebody else and not getting her needs met.

And the truth is, the reason that's happening is because your human is scared of being in a situation that is completely different than that.

This dynamic that you don't like, that you complain about, is also a dynamic that's very comfortable for you because you feel very safe in it.