Matthew Hussey

She didn't have to say it.

She just had to live that standard.

And when it wasn't being met by me, she kindly took it off the table.

And had I the next night said, can you come to me?

She would have done the same thing again.

That's a healthy standard.

And a lot of us, when we think we have standards, what we really mean is we have a list, exactly.

And there's a big, big difference.

Because a lot of people with a list are being treated the worst and seem to be okay with it.

A big problem for us is we're more connected in the moment to the fear of losing someone than we're connected to the pain we have experienced in the past by not sticking to our standards.

So the pain in the moment that's more real is, I want to find love and this person seems like a viable candidate and I don't want to lose them.

But we've been in situations in the past where we didn't follow a standard, where we didn't say, this is what I need, and we were in a miserable relationship as a result.

Think of a relationship where you didn't get your needs met.

Just everyone for a moment.

So I can think of one.

I remember a relationship that was hell on earth for me, where I did not get my needs met.

Think for a moment about a relationship where you didn't feel loved, where you didn't feel considered, where you felt like you were always an afterthought,

where you felt like someone made plans unilaterally and you never got a decision, you never got a vote, they just came to you at the end of having made them?

Anyone felt that one?

Horrible, right?