Matthew Muehling
👤 Speaker
245
total appearances
Appearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
When I was a kid, I would talk like a robot and all the other kids would call me Gregory 2000.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
And my only friend was an orange cat.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
And me and this orange cat, we would sit on a lawn and I'd tell him my dreams and my hopes.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
I was basically banished from the island.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
Because I was attacked every morning while feeding cats.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
You were attacked by who?
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
Well, there are many people that feed cats in Hawaii.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
Me in particular, they did not like because of how I look.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
There's a holiday in Hawaii.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
So in Hawaii, there's an unofficial state holiday called Kill Howley Day.
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
And do you know what a howley is?
KILL TONY
#700 - WHITNEY CUMMINGS + KAM PATTERSON
It was like the Purge, except all the victims were goofy-looking white guys trying to live in Hawaii.