Meagan

And then that, I continued going back and forth from school weeks past and those thoughts got a little worse.

As I was driving down the interstate, I'm thinking I could just smash this semi.

I could just drive right into him.

And nobody would know that I was this upset.

Because in this time period, I started to experience the suicidal ideations and just all consuming, this will not get better.

They said that it would get better and it just, it's not better.

So this is forever.

Are you going to do this forever?

Are you going to be able to hide this forever?

These thoughts and the demon.

Are you going to be able to live with him in there?

It was awful.

But I did not want to kill myself.

I thought that I didn't want to leave my baby.

And so I just wanted to be killed.

It was a very weird feeling of I just don't want to be alive.

So maybe I can just be dead or be in a hospital.

Maybe I can just be paralyzed and people just take care of me and I can just exist.

Because that's how I felt.

I just existed.