Mel Robbins

Kazli, thank you for telling us that story because I want to broaden it out a little bit because while we've been focusing on the excuses that we use to not see the friend, to not, you know, make the effort, to not show up at the book club, to not do that thing after work, which then makes our life feel small, which makes us feel lonelier, which makes us become more isolated.

We also create excuses to not get grief counseling.

We also create excuses to not go to that Zoom meeting for caregivers or other parents of young kids.

And so there are opportunities everywhere and you can go through this, okay, well, am I making an excuse?

What do I actually need?

And over and over again, your research is saying what you need is you need social health.

that this impacts mental health and physical health.

This isn't a nice to have, this is a requirement.

And one of the reasons why you may be struggling is because you've focused on other things, but you've let this go.

Amazing example.

You know, I have someone in my life who is having a lot of issues with hormonal acne and started to cancel plans because of this.

And I said to this person, well, you go to work with it.

How about you go see your friends and just talk about how much it's bothering you?

And one night out with friends, being honest about how much they were struggling with this and how it was impacting them

made such a huge difference because they learned that they weren't alone.

They learned about some things that they could try.

They got the validation and the connection and the support that they really needed and weren't getting hiding alone and covering everything up and pretending everything was okay.

And just exactly, Kasley, as you've been talking to us about the research, it was exactly what they needed.

even though the thought of doing it felt like there's no way I could handle this?

Could you reflect on the size of the excuses versus true needs to have boundaries and to really protect your energy?