Melissa
Appearances
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
I mean, I'm sure you guys hear it a lot from people emailing you in like, wow, this story was incredible and this was so helpful for me. But there's so many people that are not writing in that are feeling the same thing. So as I was sitting and writing it, it was very important to me that I focus on the aspect of using this trauma for good.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
And yeah, when you do share it with other people, it really does create this amazing connection. I feel like as humans, if we did a lot more of this sharing, that it would heal a lot of very broken people.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
Yeah. I think in my experience, both in my professional career and in my personal life, I've come across so many people who feel that they're not able to do something that they want to do. A lot of it with imposter syndrome is just like, You know, you don't think you're good enough or people aren't going to take it the right way or I'm not going to say you have the right words.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
And honestly, the only way that I was able to do this was just to spit it all out on paper and send it. I probably spent less than an hour in total in writing, editing, and then just hitting the send button. And some of that for me was just getting the words out on paper and wanting to get rid of them. You know, like I've put this down and I need it to be out of my hands.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
It really means a lot that you guys asked me to do it. I was honestly very shocked when I saw the email. I was like, oh my gosh, not only did they read it, but they want me to do it. But I am very, very, I'm very, very thankful to your team and everything that you guys do because it really is important. So please don't stop.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
Pain has been both my burden and my teacher, breaking me open in ways I never wanted and shaping me into someone I never expected to become. As a teenager, my world fractured in an instant. My father, my anchor, was ripped away, not by death, but by his own betrayal. He was sent to prison for raping a teenage girl.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
The man I looked to for protection became the reason I no longer felt safe or sure of who I was. It wasn't just the act he committed. It was the way it shattered everything I thought I knew about love, trust, and family. That wound didn't heal. It seeped into the fabric of my life, dictating the person I became.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
The echoes of that betrayal followed me like shadows, coloring every decision I made, lingering over my shoulder, and even scaring away some who learned the truth. In my desperate need to find stability, to build a life that felt whole, I married a man who was battling his own demons. He was a secret addict and an alcoholic, someone who hid his pain while drowning it in substances.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
When I learned of his struggle, I thought I could save him. I believed that what I went through early on would give me the strength to push through. Maybe, deep down, I thought saving him would somehow redeem the parts of my life I couldn't. But love cannot survive where it is consumed by unrelenting chaos. We bore a son together, my saving grace. I stayed with my husband until I couldn't anymore.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
The strength to leave didn't come all at once. It came in fragments, small moments of clarity, of exhaustion. And finally, after a friend reminded me of my strength, I was given a new understanding that trying to save him would mean losing myself. Walking away was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. It meant accepting that I couldn't fix everything.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
It meant carrying the weight of yet another failure, another loss, another broken family. But leaving wasn't the end. It was the beginning. Pain has a way of carving you hollow, but it also creates space. Space to grow, to rebuild, to transform. Slowly, I began to see my pain for what it was. A relentless teacher showing me how to live with open eyes and an open heart.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
The wounds I carry, though deep, have given me something unexpected, the ability to see what others try to hide. I see the hurt in those around me, the silent struggles, the stories etched into their eyes. And when I meet someone who is carrying this pain, I've learned to love them through their own traumas, through their own burdens of guilt and feelings of unworthiness.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
Raising my son has been my greatest redemption. Every day, I strive to teach him the things life has taught me, to be kind even when it's hard, to be strong but never unfeeling, to hold compassion as his compass, and to walk through life in a way that brings light to a dark world. He is my proof that something beautiful can rise from the ashes of a broken past.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
I've chosen to live with curiosity instead of judgment, to approach others not with condemnation but with a desire to understand. Everyone carries their own wounds, their own betrayals, their own burdens. I've found that sharing our traumas creates a mutual trust, allowing us to release the weight of that burden together.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
My pain has taught me to find beauty in the shattered pieces, to see the sunbeams that filter through the dark clouds. It has taught me that even in brokenness there is grace, and even in hurt there is healing. The journey hasn't been easy.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
There are still days when the weight of it all feels unbearable, when the memories rise like tides and threaten to drown me, when I'm reminded how the family I once had is no longer. But I've learned to let those waves come, to let them crash over me without pulling me under. I've learned to stand in the storm and let it pass.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
If pain has taught me anything, it's that we are all broken in some way. But brokenness is not the end of the story. It is in the cracks where the light shines through. It is in the healing that we find purpose. My pain has become my strength, my compass, my gift. It has taught me to love, to forgive, and to see beauty where others see ruin.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
I've transformed my hurt into healing, not just for myself, but for those who cross my paths. I give my time to those who need it most, offering compassion and a listening ear to those who have also been broken by life. I share my story not knowing how it will be received, but trusting in the power of vulnerability.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
Time and again, I've found that sharing creates a connection, a reminder that none of us walk this path alone. I've chosen to live with an open heart, welcoming the messiness of life, and finding grace and peace within it. My pain will always be a part of me, etched into who I am, but it no longer holds me captive.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
Instead, it has shaped me into someone stronger, someone free, someone who can rise from the ashes and be an example and encouragement for others to do the same.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
I was listening to the podcast while I was sitting in the waiting room. of the passport office. And I had about 45 minutes. And I heard right at the beginning of the podcast that you guys were doing this essay submission. And I was like, you know what? I've got time. I'm going to do it now. And I just sat there and I just started thinking about
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
my pain and thinking about how it's affected me in good ways and bad. And I just started writing in my notes on my phone and just kept rereading it and editing it, rereading it and editing it. Honestly, I wanted it to be more about the healing than the pain. Because I spent so much of my life focusing so much on what the trauma was.
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
And I always thought, you know, there's going to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm going to look back in 20 years and I'm going to see how much good this did in my life. And honestly, that's not the case. More often than not, the trauma that I went through was just all encompassing and the pain was debilitating a lot of times. That's definitely like the inner voice, right?
Betrayal: Season 4
Betrayal Weekly: BONUS EP 5 - Melissa’s Listener Essay
Like every time I share it, I'm like, do I really need to share this? Does somebody really want to hear this? It really can mess with what you think about yourself. And so I really wanted that to be what this essay was about. It's really not about coming out on the other side and like, oh, the trauma's gone and we're all good and everything's fine.
Guru: Don't Cross Kat
What to Listen to Next: Twin Flames
They just kind of hit it off and had so many similarities and similar problems.
Guru: Don't Cross Kat
What to Listen to Next: Twin Flames
He was quite a bit younger than her, but you know, she had an interest and they had had some weird moments. He seemed to be reciprocal, but yet neither one of them had ever spoken about it and nobody had made a move. She said that she always felt that weird electricity whenever they were near each other or he was going through something.
Guru: Don't Cross Kat
What to Listen to Next: Twin Flames
One day, they'd be best pals, and he would come up and say, hey, let's go sit out here and eat lunch together. And then maybe the next morning, he acted like she didn't even exist. So she was being driven crazy by this seeking out, pushing away, seeking out, pushing away, seeking out, pushing away.
Guru: Don't Cross Kat
What to Listen to Next: Twin Flames
She's like, what do you do when they do this? Or what do you do when they do that? And I'm like, I don't know what you're supposed to do.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2543: Beware of This Kind of "Scientific" Fat Loss or Muscle Building Study...It May be Flowed & More (Listener Coaching)
Yeah.
Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth
2543: Beware of This Kind of "Scientific" Fat Loss or Muscle Building Study...It May be Flowed & More (Listener Coaching)
Join us every Tuesday for Moms and Mysteries, your gateway to gripping, well-researched true crime stories. Each week, we deep dive into a variety of mind-boggling cases as we shed light on everything from heists to whodunits. We're your go-to podcast for mysteries with a motherly touch. Subscribe now to Moms and Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Sure. I applied to a forestry position and I They don't tell you up front that you have to live within 45 minutes of where you are. So it was actually a position further away. But they said, hey, we're going to shop your resume out to a bunch of folks near you when people retire. Maybe you have a shot at that. We think you might be a good fit. So that was...
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
a really great boost, you know, but I am, it's government agency, you know, I don't know how much sitting around there is. And also I'm really stuck on that, but I just, I cannot stress how slow moving some of these things start to feel to me, you know.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Not a great deal. I think if you are in forestry or something like that, like there are private companies, but I would have to invest a little time for somebody to want to hire me just because I don't have those specific skills quite yet.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
you know, I'd have to drive an hour or something, but that's not undoable. You know, that doesn't pull them out. And then I guess also just the entrepreneurial side of like, maybe I can start something like I do have those unique skills. So I forage, I do other things that I think there is a market for, but it's just like the opportunity cost of,
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
doing those things and just having them not work out. I'm like, man, do I really have time to waste if I have the goal of eventually having my own farm? Like, I don't want to just kind of bounce from thing to thing that I'm like, this is my get rich quick scheme, you know, but I do think there's, those are ways to use my skills from here, you know?
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
No, it's kind of always been a fixed thing. But if I thought that I could take out a loan and just crush it and... go do my thing, I would do it. But I've seen so many people who are skilled farmers who just can't make it work that I'm like, I don't know. They say like, don't quit your day job when you're starting a farm. And I'm like, I don't even really have a day job that pays well, you know?
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
So I'm like, I need to get a day job so I can not quit it.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
I think it's a big question. Or at least saying quit makes it seem super final, but at least, you know, putting it off the table in terms of what I'm looking for in employment, I'm open to it. In that work doesn't have to be all things, and I get a great daily dose of being...
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
out here I guess my parameter in my head that's also super fixed which makes some of this even more unrealistic now I'm realizing is the wanting to work outside and it's like I could be in a city working outside doing some of that like that's why the iron working it feels like you're working on buildings kind of like the rough in of stuff so you are outside a lot and it's good money but
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
It's just like the outside piece seems to throw a wrench in it. And then I'm also like, hey, I speak French and Spanish and like I can communicate with folks and I'm a good graphic designer. And it's like none of that matters if I want to work outside. So I think it's just like
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
There are more conventional farms. There is actually a watercress farm, which I didn't really know that was a thing, but it's a little ways away. And they I saw had an ad for like a foreman and it pays decently like in the range that I want. But I guess I'm just nervous now. There's things about it that I'm like, oh, what if, you know, but I should just explore it.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
And then I will know the answer to the what ifs at least more after talking to someone.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
That definitely helps. I think the premise that we started from that I'm just going to try and do what I am good at and want to do, but in a better setting, I think that feels a lot better than just throwing it all away. And I guess if I do kind of set a limit on it and say, Hey, I'm going to try three or four different things.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
And if none of them come to fruition, then maybe it's the industry or my relationship to the, that. And, you know, there's certain things that just not meeting. So maybe I'll consider completely rescaling after that. But it's like, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, you know?
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
No, absolutely. I'm like walking around just cramming them all in my mouth, seeing what's going on. But if I look today, I'm like, oh, I don't like grapes. Like, let's just not. Yeah, for sure.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Yeah, that's great. It really breaks it down and makes it not so intimidating.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Become a jelly salesman. No, I want to... explore possibilities that make my work life more fulfilling, I guess. Just ramp up the fulfillment that I already do have.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Heck yeah. That's awesome.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Hi, I'm feeling kind of underemployed and stuck in my work situation, and I wanted some advice. I did wilderness therapy with teens for a short while. I worked with a mobile mechanic. My main goal is to start my own farm. And to do that, I need advice. dipping my toe in, I guess, to a side hustle where I'm selling candy out of ingredients I forage. So it's like mountain mint, marshmallows.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Is it more important to be happy with what I'm doing or should I just take a job paying higher wages? That's fine, but I could also be mowing lawns in the city, which would be farther. I could ask for a raise. That's a possibility.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
smart, skilled, really hardworking person who, you know, I don't want to make it sound like I'm so put out, but I just am grateful for what I have, but I just want more and I want to find a path.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
I guess I just want my work life to be as fulfilling as the rest of my life.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Right now I'm working at a farm and nature center. And it's owned by a university and a state extension system. And that's about 30 hours per week. And I'm working as a coordinator for a nonprofit part-time too. And it's like a farming related nonprofit.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Oh, yeah. I'm crushing it in that respect. Yeah, it's great. So... I moved up to northern Alabama for a job on a farm, which has since closed down and also had a bunch of problems. But in looking for a place to live, I found this awesome cabin in the middle of a wildlife preserve.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
And I live in this wildlife preserve and I go walking and foraging every day and I hang out with my dogs and have my little garden, work my car, just living my best redneck life. Right now.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Because I think I have so much experience in farming that I want to be in control. And I... First of all, what I'm doing is not really even farming at this point. It's more of a maintenance thing. And... It's for the government and my libertarian sensibilities make me freaking crazy when things are, you know, money is wasted or just things go very slowly.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
But yeah, there's not enough to do and what there is to do isn't the direction that I'd like to do. And I like that higher level juggling a lot of balls because if you're truly running a farm, you're an entrepreneur and you're doing so many other things.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Yeah, I guess... Meaning you want meaningful work.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Well, everyone basically leaves me alone to do what I want, but I don't have the freedom to start projects. So I'm going to go with like a six.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Yes. And I guess maybe more than autonomy, it's just that challenge part of it where the wheels are turning. So if I were to take on something new that I don't really have the skills for, that could keep me satisfied just learning and trying to dive into that. So it's more of an upper level thinking that I need to do on a daily basis and problem solving.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Yeah, like a four or five.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Yes. We'll give it a four.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Oh, there's absolutely somewhere on somebody else's place. I would be happy, but I would have to dive really hard to find it. And I would have to move. And that's been kind of my whole
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
thing throughout you know my 20s is just moving around to different places and I'm kind of over that like I want to be here and also this is just a general problem like one with farming it's like if you have managerial skills there are not a lot of small farms that need that because either people run their own farm or if they don't like they don't know what they're doing but they want to have input and I guess my thing is like
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
I think that there could be somewhere I could be happy, but also just the money isn't there. Farming, there's no benefits, really. There's so many trade-offs, and everything I consider, I'm just bogged down in trade-offs right now. I think that's great because I'm realistic, but I don't want to just stay where I'm at.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
Because I'm scared of not even scared, but just because I'm analyzing and kind of having analysis paralysis on all these other things. So I think that there probably could be a good situation out there in my area. I'm not sure.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
I would like it to be fixed. I think what's changeable is like I'm willing to reskill. I'm willing to do lots of different work. So, yeah, I think I'm super flexible on the work end at this point, but rigid on where I'm at.
Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
"I Have Too Many Ideas and Analysis Paralysis. Help!"
I guess I'm a creative problem solver who wants to use my hands and my head to make something better every day.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
Yes. So I recently purchased a home in West Virginia about a month ago. And since living there, my family and I have got really sick, experiencing allergy-like symptoms. Got the, long story short, ended up getting someone to come and test for mold. And it's very high numbers in stature botchers. I don't know. I'm probably butchering that name, but it's the one that's really, really dangerous.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
So now I'm in the flip other side. I'm post-closing. I did go through the property disclosure. It was as is, and it was a flip. And also, I did also get a home inspector as well. And this is through a VA loan. So now I'm trying to figure out if I should do a mold remediation myself or...
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
Go ahead and do a deed in lieu of foreclosure situation because now I don't feel comfortable staying there at all because what else is concealed in this house? I don't know. And turns out the guy that flipped it has a horrible reputation around the community for doing basically pig lipstick on a pig blitz.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
Yeah, the mold is in plain view, but from a lay person, if you look at it, it looks like mildew or maybe like dirt, just like a dirty basement. But the second inspector that came in said, this is definitely mold. It's in plain view. Nobody called this. He said the appraiser could have called it, but I know they're there for just evaluation purposes.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
But he said that, you know, you potentially have a case and have contacted attorneys and they are all Pretty much that I don't have a case because it's a buyer beware state, which I wasn't. I didn't know what that meant. So the onus is on the buyers and it's not a lot of consumer protections for us in West Virginia.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
Yes. So I had an adjuster come with my homeowner's insurance, but, of course, they deemed it preexisting. And the adjuster told me that the basement has not even upped the code. So the cost of going to the basement is like $20,000 plus. And the mold remediation itself would be $10,000 plus.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
Yes. And he said, one of my questions before I hired him was, you know, how long have you been doing it? You know, what are your, just ask him his history of his work. And he's like over 20 years. And I looked at reviews. He has great reviews, great reviews on the BBB and all this stuff. And I was like, are you approved by the VA? Um, and he was like, yes.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
And I verified everything and everything checked up on paper, but Yeah, none of that.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
They are saying that the likelihood of it winning in court is low because of that caveat on tour, buyer beware thing in West Virginia, and the fact that they have... no duty to disclose mold in West Virginia.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
Exactly. Exactly. You would have to hire a mold inspector on top of the regular mold inspector and a radon inspector and whatever other inspectors separately in order to do this. And they said it was a law just passed. With the Supreme Court back, I think, 2020, just last year, it was something recent that passed.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
But my realtor in the agency, his broker, he told me that I did have something and that I should pursue it. But my thing is going to further that with litigation, going back and forth with these lawyers, which is a shot in the dark or just take an L. And and I mean, it's going to ding my credit, but I need to get out of it because we're essentially homeless.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
Because I don't – I'm going to have to disclose it, and it's not remediated. So, also, I asked that question. They said a lot of lenders won't allow you – won't lend on the home with mold, with active mold. Now, the mold, I don't know if it's active because I've got a dehumidifier down there, and I've sealed up where moisture may have gotten in. Uh-huh. But –
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
I don't know who deemed it active or not, but you can see it now because I've pulled paneling off. It was hidden. It was even more like the obvious mode that you would be behind paneling.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
And I'm... The money I am getting, I run a business out of West Virginia. And right now we're living with my man and we're going back and forth two and a half hours between Columbus and where we're at every other day. So I can still take clients and that money is going towards gas and food. And because I've had to take the kids out of school because they are allergic to it.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
And I got them allergy tested to verify what I'm saying. Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
Um, I make, so I'm a disabled veteran. So on top of that, I would say about 80, 70, 80,000 a year.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
Okay. So just under five is like four, nine or four, eight, something like that.
The Ramsey Show
You Won't Win With Money If You're Not Aligned With A Plan
I love the home. That's why I bought it. But I no longer want to stay there because now with this man's reputation being the way it is.
The Ramsey Show
Stuck in a Financial Pit? Here’s How to Climb Out and Stay Out
I know. That's what I'm wondering.
The Ramsey Show
Stuck in a Financial Pit? Here’s How to Climb Out and Stay Out
So my biggest payment is my car. Another setback was last year when I had my baby, I went on an unpaid maternity leave. So I went about three months with no income. So I had debt. The whole point of me moving home was to pay off my debt, which is also $8,000.
The Ramsey Show
Stuck in a Financial Pit? Here’s How to Climb Out and Stay Out
Because with my minimums and my car, I would say maybe about like two, three thousand.
The Ramsey Show
Stuck in a Financial Pit? Here’s How to Climb Out and Stay Out
I have about $21,000 left.
The Ramsey Show
Stuck in a Financial Pit? Here’s How to Climb Out and Stay Out
Hi, guys. Thank you so much for taking my call. I am pretty new to The Ramsey Show. I just started listening maybe about like a month or so ago. I'm still learning and I definitely want to change my relationship with money. But I'm calling because I took out a loan back in. It was the end of 2019 to consolidate my credit card debt. And I was paying it. I was able to afford the payments.
The Ramsey Show
Stuck in a Financial Pit? Here’s How to Climb Out and Stay Out
And then the pandemic started. So I ended up getting furloughed from my job. And I also moved to a different state in 2021. And it was just a lot for me. And I just couldn't afford the payments. So I kind of just stopped. stopped paying. And, um, I guess like, I thought it like disappeared somehow. I don't know. But, um, I never really got.
The Ramsey Show
Stuck in a Financial Pit? Here’s How to Climb Out and Stay Out
Yes, there was a lot going on during that time. But, um, so I did, I remember seeing a couple emails from the company, um, telling me to give them a call to like get back on track.
The Ramsey Show
Stuck in a Financial Pit? Here’s How to Climb Out and Stay Out
And, again, didn't answer those emails, which I wish I did. But a few years later, now we're in 2025, but I did get an email from a company saying that they sold off my loan to a debt consolidator. And they basically were giving me very little options as far as, like, paying it off.
The Ramsey Show
Stuck in a Financial Pit? Here’s How to Climb Out and Stay Out
It's for a little over $8,000. Okay. And what are they saying to you? So they offered to pay it in full by end of December, which I couldn't do. And then they also offered 90 days to pay it in full. But they keep going back to paying it in full. And I told them, you know, I have like medical bills and stuff that I'm trying to take care of. So this is what I can afford.
The Ramsey Show
Stuck in a Financial Pit? Here’s How to Climb Out and Stay Out
And there's just a lot of back and forth. And I just don't want to delay it because I just don't want any legal issues or anything. Sure. And then just some backstory. I am currently I live at home with my parents. I'm a single mom and I am planning on moving out this year. So this whole thing just feels like such a setback for me. OK, so it's a little discouraging.
The Ramsey Show
Stuck in a Financial Pit? Here’s How to Climb Out and Stay Out
So I actually just paid off my two smallest credit cards because I started that process. Good. So my largest would be my car. Um, I have a few years left on that. And then right now my smallest credit card balance is probably like 400. So.
The Ramsey Show
Stuck in a Financial Pit? Here’s How to Climb Out and Stay Out
Each month I bring home $3,800, but I also do get some child support as well. How much is that? That is $800 a month.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Hello, my name is Sam and I'm turning 40 years old next week and I'm worried I'll never be in another long-term relationship.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
I've been in one. It didn't work out. And then I've been dating. I've learned all the dating lessons, gone through all the dating scenarios. I feel very well versed. I'm a good student of dating. But now I think I'm so psyched out from my bad experiences and what I've learned that I don't know, I would know what to do if an opportunity presented itself.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
My goals are, I would really love to have another partner in my life. I would really have to have that intimacy, that trust, that idea that I'm not going through all this alone. I don't know if I need the technicality of marriage again. Okay. You've been married? I've been married before.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
I have two kids. I have two boys. Okay. They're younger. They're seven and nine. I am open to more kids. I've never thought of writing off the idea of no more kids or I need more kids. I very much believe that that would be something when I would meet that person that we would determine together, if that would make sense. So I'm open to it.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Tell me about the relationship or relationship that fucked you up. So, I mean, I think the biggest one is obviously my last marriage or my only marriage that ended. So that was a situation where from start to finish, it was not good. I probably should have walked away from it a lot earlier. I met this person out of college. We were together for about five or six years before we got married.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
We were married for a little under eight years. I had my two boys. But the relationship itself was incredibly strange. And I for years would deal with. I've heard a lot of narcissistic talk and labeling. So I'm sensitive to the use of that word. But I was dealing with someone who truly battled demons. And I got sucked into that world and had a really hard time with this person for several years.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
And I had threatened divorce. I felt very trapped. I felt very like, what do I do? I have two boys. How do I get out of this? It was very miserable for a very long time. And I didn't know how to get out of it. But the nail in the coffin was at the end of our relationship, he acknowledged being in love with someone else and wanting to end our marriage.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
And in a way, of course, that broke me and that trust in a way, it set me free. But because of that, Ich habe dann versucht, meine Person zu finden. Aber das war wirklich, das war wirklich schwer, weil ich mir so viel gegeben habe, dass ich für diese, weißt du, fast eineinhalb Jahrzehnte, ähm, ich wurde, was diese Person mir sein musste, um diese Beziehung zu überleben.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Und so, als das nicht mehr in der Bildung war, war es, um herauszufinden, wer ich war. Nach dieser Beziehung. Wie lange hat die Beziehung endet? Die Versammlung. was in the summer of 2022. But the divorce process took a little over two years. So it's still pretty raw. It's pretty raw in that it didn't just end and then I moved on and had a happy life.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
It dragged on and with wounds getting reopened along the way. And he's still with that person. They have a child. So yeah, it's still pretty fresh, relatively speaking.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
I'm guessing these are all... Yeah, those are all the emotions. And then you add a layer of having children with this person. And then now you have that, when I say that though, if I say something like, I wish I would have left so much sooner, am I... Am I sacrificing the love I have for the two boys I got out of it? Because obviously they're my life and I love them.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
So there's so many layers to that acknowledgement of I think I messed up by not getting out sooner.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Ich denke, ich bin in der Therapie. Und seit dem Tag, an dem ich all das herausgefunden habe. Und eine Sache, die wir identifiziert haben, ist, dass ich ziemlich versucht habe, meine Heilung zu gestalten. The second I found out this had happened, I think in my mind I thought, this isn't going to tear me down. I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be better.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
So I understood, broadly speaking, like the phases of healing from a scenario like this. Like you got to date a little bit. You got to blah, blah, blah. Und ich dachte mir, okay, ich werde diese Person finden. Und ich hatte diese Art von, ich zeige ihm die Mentalität, dass das passiert. Ich denke, ich bin klug, ich kann mit Leuten zusammenkommen, ich kann jemanden finden.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Also werde ich es jetzt machen. Und und ja, ich habe den Boden geworfen. Und für besser oder für schlimmer. Ich denke, ein Teil davon war auch, dass ich so traurig war für so viele Jahre, dass ich Es hat nicht sehr lange gedauert, bis das Ende der Beziehung endete. Das Trauma, wie es endete, war schrecklich.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Aber der Fakt, dass diese Beziehung endete, als ich in den Anfang erkannt habe, dass ich es für ein bisschen enden wollte. Ich denke, ich war bereits in dieser Morgenphase für einen sehr langen Zeitraum. Also hat es nicht lange gedauert, bis es endete. Es hat nicht lange gedauert, um zu sagen, was nächstes ist.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
again maybe not the best choice but yeah but part of it sounds like you were you weren't dating to find your person you were dating to get your revenge a little bit I think I had to prove to myself it wasn't me that I didn't deserve to have that happen to me and so I think I had to prove to myself I could I could get someone, I could meet someone.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Yeah. I think what you're talking about in terms of that probably hanging on too long, I think Obviously that's something I did in my marriage. I found as I was dating, following the marriage ending, I found that I was repeating that behavior a lot where I continually wanted to give someone the benefit of the doubt and give them that second chance.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
And it took a while to realize that the same behavior, the same mentality that had kept me in that marriage was starting to Keep me in some of these. I mean, I've been through the situations. I've been through all those different scenarios.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
And I realized I was doing that same thing where if I didn't like how something was happening toward me, I thought, well, you know, they have this going on in their life. I'm going to give them this benefit of the doubt. And I would find myself in that same trap. And it was only really recently that I finally broke that cycle. Und jetzt spreche ich nicht mit jemandem.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Ich meine, das ist die erste Zeit und wahrscheinlich seit der Verbrechung passiert, dass ich keine aktive Beziehung zu einer Person oder einer Person habe, mit der ich datieren möchte. Und ich denke, dass etwas in mir geflogen ist, wo ich früher auf dieser Mannheit war, wer diese Person war.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Ich war auf der Dating App, also sprach ich mit jemandem, der mir die Aufmerksamkeit geben würde, schmerzhaft das zu sagen. Und Now that I've come out on the other end and I've looked at everything and my behaviors with my dating, I looked at the behaviors that even led me to that marriage with that man. Now I feel like I've seen too much. Now I don't want to go on the dating apps.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
I get hesitant when anyone is clocking me at the gym or wanting to talk to me. I don't want another scenario. I don't want another scenario where I have to try to read this person, where I have to try to figure out Can something happen where I don't want to? What's the endgame? It's like it's too much. It's overstimulating.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
And so now I'm just kind of wondering when will that change where I'm willing to feel that hurt again or even know how to act when that situation presents itself. So it's overwhelmingly paralyzing, I think.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Yeah, I agree with all of that. I also feel that I agree with the idea that this is the first time I'm truly feeling single and okay with it. I think the thing that worries me is, well, I can go into something new knowing I don't have to worry about whether or not I have kids because I have my kids. I have the The reference of a marriage prior. I know what that's like, right?
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
I have some of these life examples that I can carry into something.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
What I don't have an example of and what worries me, and I don't even know what an answer to this would be, is because I didn't have anywhere near a healthy relationship with my ex-husband and because all of the situations, dating scenarios I've been in, at surface level maybe they were healthy, but at the end I never really had a healthy relationship.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
I don't know what that looks like and that feels like such a blanket arbitrary statement, but I don't know what that feels like. I don't know what emotional intimacy with someone who truly won't screw you over feels like. And I don't know what trusting someone without having a guarantee feels like. Those are feelings that I don't have. That's a reference I don't have.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
And I think that's where I get really nervous is the second, and probably why it's good I'm not talking to anybody, but the second I have any kind of interest, I automatically go to a place of It's gonna go away. I'm gonna lose it. And I feel that's happened to me in my past. Dating experiences were the second I really felt for someone.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
I no longer had that feeling of excitement you're supposed to have at the start of something. No matter what happens, I had that initial feeling of dread. And dread turned into acting crazy, right? Or, you know, getting paranoid. And so, yes, part of the beauty of not answering to anyone right now is that I get to live my best single self. But it's also, I think, protecting me from that feeling
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
von jemandem zu treffen, den ich wirklich mag. Und ich weiß nicht, was ich tun soll. Es gab eine Situation vor ein paar Wochen, wo ich jemanden getroffen habe, der wirklich gespannt war. Wir haben später herausgefunden, dass dieser Mann verheiratet war.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Und es waren die Freundinnen, die herausgefunden haben, ich bin so sorry, ich weiß nicht, wir dachten vielleicht, dass das jemand war, mit dem du sprechen würdest oder was auch immer. Wir haben mit unseren Kindern getroffen. Und
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
The second I found out that he was married, I was relieved because I thought, good, that's one less thing to have on my mind of an interest or I don't have to worry about running into this person and then something starting. I was so relieved that I couldn't pursue this interest because they were married. And that was very telling to me of I don't find excitement in this idea of dating.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
I'm scared of it. I'm scared of just how I act when I might be interested in somebody.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
I would say they are always thinking of, here's this guy. They don't actually go through with it, but in their brain they want me to meet someone and they're trying to think of who they can introduce me to.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Ich denke, sie haben mich mit den Dating-Szenarien, in denen ich gearbeitet habe, frustriert. Und ich bin sicher, dass das bedeutet, dass ich einen aktiven Interesse auf Dating habe und ich einfach den richtigen Mann finden muss. Aber sie wissen auch, dass ich letztens die Dating-Apps entfernt habe. Ich wollte das nicht mehr.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Also wissen sie, dass ich nicht in dem selben Manneken bin, den ich vorhin erwähnt habe.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
I don't. I don't. I think it, I am still also wrapping my head around the idea that it is Okay, that I'm turning 40 and have this sort of open path ahead of me. I think that really, I think it freaks me out, to be honest, the turning 40. I have to actively remind myself of the positives that you just mentioned, because as of right now, it feels I'm turning 40.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
I thought I was going to have a third child with my ex-husband and we lost that child. So I thought I still wanted at some point to have another child. Like we mentioned at the top of this, it's not a requirement, but I wanted it to be an option in my life. And I feel like as time goes by, and yes, I know there's no rush or urgency, but something like that does weigh on me.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
I'm so open to it now because I can be. I have the luxury of saying, sure, yes or no. But at a certain point, I won't be. And then there's also just the idea that I spent... 40 Jahre meines Lebens, durch diese verschiedenen Dinge zu kämpfen, die mich in die Person, die ich war, die diesen Mann ausgewählt hat. Und dann bin ich durch diese Lektionen gegangen und jetzt bin ich hier.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Und ja, ich glaube, das ist großartig. Aber ich auch. Es ist einfach erstaunlich für mich, dass ich in einem Weg, ich beginne mit etwas, etwas sehr Fundamentales in Bezug auf die menschliche Erfahrung, jemanden zu treffen und diese Beziehung zu haben, das ist für mich unglaublich erstaunlich. Und ich habe nicht been able to see the Das ist das, was du vielleicht tun musst.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Ja, ich denke, es ist viel Reprogrammierung, die in das Ganze geht. Ich denke, ich bin zu dem Punkt gekommen, dass ich identifiziert habe, wie ich mich in diese Situationen programmiert habe, wo ich so vergeblich war und diese Dinge passiert haben. Und diese Programmierung hat sich über Jahrzehnte gedauert. Klar, es gab Programmierung, die als Kind stattfand, die mich dazu führte,
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
growing into a young woman who met this person and thought that this kind of treatment was okay. And then you reinforce that year over year. So it's knowing I need to love myself and knowing I deserve a certain amount of respect is one thing. It's the action of reprogramming myself to when that happens, not thinking...
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Ich will nicht, dass meine Stimme sagt, dass es nicht okay ist, lauter zu sein als das Instinkt, um das zu tun. Weil meine Instinkte sind, ihm einen Break zu geben, etwas schlechtes zu tun. Er hatte einen schlechten Tag, er hat einen stressigen Job. Vielleicht kann ich etwas tun, um diese Person wieder zu sprechen. Vielleicht kann ich etwas tun, um ihren Tag besser zu machen.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Ich genieße die Selbsthilfe-Friday, wenn ich keine Kinder habe. Ich versuche, die Freiheit und die Reise zu übernehmen, weil ich nicht viel reisen konnte in meiner Beziehung. Also mache ich viel Solo-Reise, um da rauszukommen. Ich denke, ich gehe durch diese Motionen und ich hoffe, dass ich an einem Punkt diese Motionen nicht wie Motionen fühle.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Ich fühle mich wie Dinge, die mich wirklich organisch enrichieren.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
I don't know. I feel like I did casually date a little bit here and there and I still felt like there was some kind of, I don't know, maybe I met the wrong boys, but there was a little more drama than I even wanted and so at this point I think I've I know that you see that for me, but I don't even know that I'm interested in that at the moment.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Yeah, I think I got tuckered out with the healing retreats too. I went through all, like I did the retreat to Bali. I did the Ayahuasca. I did all the things. I did the therapy. I learned about all the stuff and Ich denke, dass es einen bestimmten Punkt gab, an dem ich, als ich die nächste Reise beobachtete, gesagt habe, dass ich mich von irgendwelchen spirituellen Erwachsenen entfernen soll.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Nicht, um sie zu beobachten, aber ich dachte, okay, ich habe es gemacht. Ich kann nicht nur als Student von Heilung und Wiedergeburt bleiben. Irgendwann muss ich einfach mein Leben leben.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Yeah, I think I try to hold on to, like, you know, we talked about the regret feeling. I try to look at the silver lining is, I know there are people that live into their 80s and they stay in these miserable situations or they never got the chance to go, what the fuck was I doing in that relationship? So I try to hang on to that idea of, listen, I had a hard lesson to learn about
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Ja, wer ich wähle und wie ich mich behandle. Und vielleicht bin ich glücklich, auch wenn ich 40 Jahre alt bin, dass ich fühle, als hätte ich diese Lektion jetzt gelernt.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Yeah, I think I need some more space between the drastic things that happened and Und was kommt? Ich denke, jetzt ist mein größter Schmuck von Erinnerungen alle die schlechten Sachen, richtig? Und es sind alle die Scheißaufgaben und die schlechten Entscheidungen an meiner Seite.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Und also in meiner Meinung, wenn ich über all diese Dinge denke, sind sie Lessons, die positiv sind, aber sie sind Lessons. Und in diesen Momenten waren sie nicht tolle Dinge. Und ich denke, über die Zeit...
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Ich meine, ich würde sagen, auch in den letzten ein paar Jahren, seit dem Divorz oder seit der Verbrechung passiert ist, schaue ich zurück, wie ich aus es gekommen bin und wie rauchig und wie bescheuert ich war, um, weißt du, die Art der Aufmerksamkeit, die ich benötigt habe, oder wie dramatisch alles war, wie ich weine, weißt du, den Drop of the Hat. Und ich sehe den Prozess da.
The Viall Files
E939 Ask Nick - Revenge Dating
Ich denke, ich dachte, dass es von jetzt an andere Prozesse geben würde. Das ist ein Wort. Ja, wir sehen es nie im Alltag. Wir sehen es nie im Alltag.
True Crime with Rachel Shannon
What Happened to Karlie Guse? // Appeared on the Dr. Phil Show // True Crime Mystery
Carly Lane Guse is missing still.
True Crime with Rachel Shannon
What Happened to Karlie Guse? // Appeared on the Dr. Phil Show // True Crime Mystery
So you could show her the next day what it was? how she sounded on drugs, you know, like what is it?
True Crime with Rachel Shannon
What Happened to Karlie Guse? // Appeared on the Dr. Phil Show // True Crime Mystery
Like we were gonna deal with it the next day for sure.
True Crime with Rachel Shannon
What Happened to Karlie Guse? // Appeared on the Dr. Phil Show // True Crime Mystery
It's an ongoing investigation still. This is ongoing.