Melissa Urban

I'm like a way better mom than I ever thought I would be. I'm a really good mom. I have a well of patience for my child that nobody in my life, myself included, knew existed. And I have a sense of love for him that I've never before experienced and never will again. I'm a way better mom than I thought I would be. And I'm really proud of that.

I love my kiddo.

I love my kiddo.

Yeah, I see that now. He's nine. He's in a nice little sweet spot now.

Yeah, I see that now. He's nine. He's in a nice little sweet spot now.

So this is the thing. If your boundary is you telling other people what you are willing to do to keep yourself safe and healthy. That doesn't always mean that the outcome is desirable. If you're talking about boundaries at work and they won't respect them, are you willing to transfer departments, go to HR, look for a new job?

So this is the thing. If your boundary is you telling other people what you are willing to do to keep yourself safe and healthy. That doesn't always mean that the outcome is desirable. If you're talking about boundaries at work and they won't respect them, are you willing to transfer departments, go to HR, look for a new job?

If it's boundaries with a family member and they will not respect them to the point where it is seriously harming your relationship, your physical health, your mental health, Are you willing to cut that person off? Are you willing to take a break from them or seriously limit the way that you choose to engage with them?

If it's boundaries with a family member and they will not respect them to the point where it is seriously harming your relationship, your physical health, your mental health, Are you willing to cut that person off? Are you willing to take a break from them or seriously limit the way that you choose to engage with them?

We will communicate only via email and text at this point, not in person, not on the phone. You have actions that you are able to take, but that doesn't mean that those actions are always easy or always your desired outcome. And then what you have to ask yourself is how willing am I to let this person continue to harm me for the sake of preserving this relationship?

We will communicate only via email and text at this point, not in person, not on the phone. You have actions that you are able to take, but that doesn't mean that those actions are always easy or always your desired outcome. And then what you have to ask yourself is how willing am I to let this person continue to harm me for the sake of preserving this relationship?

And like, what would that look like? What does it look like? And are there limits that I can set in between letting them run me over exactly the way they are and cutting off the relationship altogether? Because there are a lot of things I think that you could do in between. to preserve the relationship in a way that works for you.

And like, what would that look like? What does it look like? And are there limits that I can set in between letting them run me over exactly the way they are and cutting off the relationship altogether? Because there are a lot of things I think that you could do in between. to preserve the relationship in a way that works for you.

You just have to be willing to find it and then ultimately hold it for yourself. Oh, man. I know. It's not easy, but I don't want to be in a relationship that makes me feel like crap every time I show up or that doesn't allow me to be my fullest self or that hurts me every time I'm there.

You just have to be willing to find it and then ultimately hold it for yourself. Oh, man. I know. It's not easy, but I don't want to be in a relationship that makes me feel like crap every time I show up or that doesn't allow me to be my fullest self or that hurts me every time I'm there.

I don't think that it is. And I can't make that decision for anybody else. If you say, no, she's my mom and I want to maintain a relationship with my mom and she's family and I'm going to, then that's your decision, but I want you to go into it eyes open.

I don't think that it is. And I can't make that decision for anybody else. If you say, no, she's my mom and I want to maintain a relationship with my mom and she's family and I'm going to, then that's your decision, but I want you to go into it eyes open.

There absolutely are. And this is why there's no one-size-fits-all boundary scenario. Because what might feel like an annoyance to you might be really harmful to somebody else. What one family is like, oh my gosh, how could you interact like that as a family? That wouldn't work for us. As somebody else is like, absolutely, drop over whenever you want. You don't even have to knock. Right, right.

There absolutely are. And this is why there's no one-size-fits-all boundary scenario. Because what might feel like an annoyance to you might be really harmful to somebody else. What one family is like, oh my gosh, how could you interact like that as a family? That wouldn't work for us. As somebody else is like, absolutely, drop over whenever you want. You don't even have to knock. Right, right.

There is no one size fits all. The door is always open. Absolutely. Stay anytime you want. But I do like this idea of asking myself, like, what is the story I'm telling myself about this? And like, is there some examination of that that I could do on my end?