Melissa Urban

Yeah.

Not alcohol. I never drank. Drug addiction. Yeah, just a lot of drugs.

Not alcohol. I never drank. Drug addiction. Yeah, just a lot of drugs.

I would never have started doing drugs. Really? The only reason I started doing drugs was because at 16, I was sexually assaulted. I didn't tell anyone for a year. When I did tell my family, they didn't handle it well. And they said, we can't tell anyone. We need to keep it quiet or it will hurt the family. And I felt like I had no outlet whatsoever.

I would never have started doing drugs. Really? The only reason I started doing drugs was because at 16, I was sexually assaulted. I didn't tell anyone for a year. When I did tell my family, they didn't handle it well. And they said, we can't tell anyone. We need to keep it quiet or it will hurt the family. And I felt like I had no outlet whatsoever.

They put me in therapy, but I didn't want to talk about it.

They put me in therapy, but I didn't want to talk about it.

I couldn't talk about it to my family. I had internalized the message that obviously it was my fault. Obviously I had done something wrong. And so I began looking for things to numb that experience and to numb these feelings that I had been shoving down. I tried controlling my eating, that didn't work. I tried drinking, that didn't work. And then I found drugs and I was like, this is it.

I couldn't talk about it to my family. I had internalized the message that obviously it was my fault. Obviously I had done something wrong. And so I began looking for things to numb that experience and to numb these feelings that I had been shoving down. I tried controlling my eating, that didn't work. I tried drinking, that didn't work. And then I found drugs and I was like, this is it.

Here we are.

Here we are.

Yeah, it took me away. It was the first thing that took me as far away from myself as I wanted to be.

Yeah, it took me away. It was the first thing that took me as far away from myself as I wanted to be.

Well, I mean, it started when I went into rehab twice. I went in twice. Right. The second time it really stuck. And I decided I was going to really change every aspect of my life and really become this healthy person with healthy habits. That was really the first time I ever set boundaries around my addiction and my recovery. And I think that's what changed it for me.

Well, I mean, it started when I went into rehab twice. I went in twice. Right. The second time it really stuck. And I decided I was going to really change every aspect of my life and really become this healthy person with healthy habits. That was really the first time I ever set boundaries around my addiction and my recovery. And I think that's what changed it for me.

That's why I didn't have a second relapse. But then it was just a process. So I started exercising and I certainly exercised to an unhealthy degree, but then that modulated itself. And then I started eating healthier and did my first full 30 and was like, oh, wow, the way you're using food is not super healthy.

That's why I didn't have a second relapse. But then it was just a process. So I started exercising and I certainly exercised to an unhealthy degree, but then that modulated itself. And then I started eating healthier and did my first full 30 and was like, oh, wow, the way you're using food is not super healthy.

And, you know, then I went back to therapy and started talking about more things, but not all the things. And I went through my divorce and really started talking about all the things. So it's been like a process for sure. Wow. Yeah, and I'm sure I'll talk to you two or three years from now and be like, oh, since we've talked, I've done like X, Y, and Z, and here are the other things I've done.

And, you know, then I went back to therapy and started talking about more things, but not all the things. And I went through my divorce and really started talking about all the things. So it's been like a process for sure. Wow. Yeah, and I'm sure I'll talk to you two or three years from now and be like, oh, since we've talked, I've done like X, Y, and Z, and here are the other things I've done.

I'm like a way better mom than I ever thought I would be. I'm a really good mom. I have a well of patience for my child that nobody in my life, myself included, knew existed. And I have a sense of love for him that I've never before experienced and never will again. I'm a way better mom than I thought I would be. And I'm really proud of that.