Melissa Urban

Definitely.

It's freedom. Yeah, it's literally freedom. What is available on the other side is freedom. And that's really at the heart of my boundary practice. I think so many people think that boundaries are about pushing people away or holding them at a distance or that they're controlling or manipulative. boundaries are a gift in your relationship.

It's freedom. Yeah, it's literally freedom. What is available on the other side is freedom. And that's really at the heart of my boundary practice. I think so many people think that boundaries are about pushing people away or holding them at a distance or that they're controlling or manipulative. boundaries are a gift in your relationship.

Even in a relationship in which you are so close and so open and so vulnerable, like with my husband, we still have boundaries that are healthy for both of us. And so on the other side of like opening this box and exploring it will simply come a new set of boundaries.

Even in a relationship in which you are so close and so open and so vulnerable, like with my husband, we still have boundaries that are healthy for both of us. And so on the other side of like opening this box and exploring it will simply come a new set of boundaries.

And hopefully those boundaries have continued to expand our relationship and they continue to allow me to show up in a way that still feels good to me. and safe to me. And then as that relationship progresses, hopefully I can back those boundaries off because showing up all the time or most of the time feels good and safe. That's what's on the other side of it. It's really freedom.

And hopefully those boundaries have continued to expand our relationship and they continue to allow me to show up in a way that still feels good to me. and safe to me. And then as that relationship progresses, hopefully I can back those boundaries off because showing up all the time or most of the time feels good and safe. That's what's on the other side of it. It's really freedom.

Correct.

Correct.

Yeah. And it's not even distancing, right? What it's essential... I'm not distancing myself from my husband or from my son when I set a boundary. What I am saying is...

Yeah. And it's not even distancing, right? What it's essential... I'm not distancing myself from my husband or from my son when I set a boundary. What I am saying is...

have this need I have this feeling that I'm taking responsibility for and here is that limit because you're not a mind reader and I shouldn't expect you to know it and if you can meet me in this limit then what you get is like a happier mom a more patient mom a more loving wife a more you know

have this need I have this feeling that I'm taking responsibility for and here is that limit because you're not a mind reader and I shouldn't expect you to know it and if you can meet me in this limit then what you get is like a happier mom a more patient mom a more loving wife a more you know

romantic wife, somebody who can show up as her fullest self because I just had this like one small thing that I've asked you to do that you've said you're willing to do for the good of our relationship and for my own health and safety. Yeah.

romantic wife, somebody who can show up as her fullest self because I just had this like one small thing that I've asked you to do that you've said you're willing to do for the good of our relationship and for my own health and safety. Yeah.

I mean, I still would say like a nine. I do, and I think it's because I recognize that I am in control of how I choose to respond to these situations, right? So I can't control what my mom does or says or whether she goes to therapy. I can't always control the way my husband shows up or my sister or my colleagues at work, but I can always control how I respond to those things.

I mean, I still would say like a nine. I do, and I think it's because I recognize that I am in control of how I choose to respond to these situations, right? So I can't control what my mom does or says or whether she goes to therapy. I can't always control the way my husband shows up or my sister or my colleagues at work, but I can always control how I respond to those things.

And that sense of empowerment, I think that comes from boundaries, that come from my recovery practice, that come from therapy, that comes from my movement practice, like all of these things that require me to check in with myself and ask myself what I need and then realize that I have the power to act on that. Those are the things that bring me real freedom.

And that sense of empowerment, I think that comes from boundaries, that come from my recovery practice, that come from therapy, that comes from my movement practice, like all of these things that require me to check in with myself and ask myself what I need and then realize that I have the power to act on that. Those are the things that bring me real freedom.

Yeah, I mean, I think, and this is the real challenge, is that when you're in a relationship breakdown or things aren't going well and I hear stories like this from thousands of people all the time, right? Where it's like I, in heterosexual relationships, the wife is doing all of the household management and all of the childcare and the expectations are only placed on her.