Melissa Urban

have this need I have this feeling that I'm taking responsibility for and here is that limit because you're not a mind reader and I shouldn't expect you to know it and if you can meet me in this limit then what you get is like a happier mom a more patient mom a more loving wife a more you know

have this need I have this feeling that I'm taking responsibility for and here is that limit because you're not a mind reader and I shouldn't expect you to know it and if you can meet me in this limit then what you get is like a happier mom a more patient mom a more loving wife a more you know

romantic wife, somebody who can show up as her fullest self because I just had this like one small thing that I've asked you to do that you've said you're willing to do for the good of our relationship and for my own health and safety. Yeah.

romantic wife, somebody who can show up as her fullest self because I just had this like one small thing that I've asked you to do that you've said you're willing to do for the good of our relationship and for my own health and safety. Yeah.

I mean, I still would say like a nine. I do, and I think it's because I recognize that I am in control of how I choose to respond to these situations, right? So I can't control what my mom does or says or whether she goes to therapy. I can't always control the way my husband shows up or my sister or my colleagues at work, but I can always control how I respond to those things.

I mean, I still would say like a nine. I do, and I think it's because I recognize that I am in control of how I choose to respond to these situations, right? So I can't control what my mom does or says or whether she goes to therapy. I can't always control the way my husband shows up or my sister or my colleagues at work, but I can always control how I respond to those things.

And that sense of empowerment, I think that comes from boundaries, that come from my recovery practice, that come from therapy, that comes from my movement practice, like all of these things that require me to check in with myself and ask myself what I need and then realize that I have the power to act on that. Those are the things that bring me real freedom.

And that sense of empowerment, I think that comes from boundaries, that come from my recovery practice, that come from therapy, that comes from my movement practice, like all of these things that require me to check in with myself and ask myself what I need and then realize that I have the power to act on that. Those are the things that bring me real freedom.

Yeah, I mean, I think, and this is the real challenge, is that when you're in a relationship breakdown or things aren't going well and I hear stories like this from thousands of people all the time, right? Where it's like I, in heterosexual relationships, the wife is doing all of the household management and all of the childcare and the expectations are only placed on her.

Yeah, I mean, I think, and this is the real challenge, is that when you're in a relationship breakdown or things aren't going well and I hear stories like this from thousands of people all the time, right? Where it's like I, in heterosexual relationships, the wife is doing all of the household management and all of the childcare and the expectations are only placed on her.

And it's like, she's the default for everything. And she has to ask her husband to help and pitch in and,

And it's like, she's the default for everything. And she has to ask her husband to help and pitch in and,

babysit his own kids and she comes to me and says like i don't know what to do in this situation the challenging thing is that at that point you can't solve that with a simple boundary right the boundary has to be like i am going to go to therapy myself to explore what my options are because at this point the way this relationship is working is not working for me right

babysit his own kids and she comes to me and says like i don't know what to do in this situation the challenging thing is that at that point you can't solve that with a simple boundary right the boundary has to be like i am going to go to therapy myself to explore what my options are because at this point the way this relationship is working is not working for me right

But if we go back to like some of the things we've talked about even earlier on in a relationship, I think setting a boundary like right away in a relationship immediately, even before you start dating, can be a super good litmus test for how well you can communicate. So it's like we're talking about going on a first date and it's like, oh, by the way, I don't drink.

But if we go back to like some of the things we've talked about even earlier on in a relationship, I think setting a boundary like right away in a relationship immediately, even before you start dating, can be a super good litmus test for how well you can communicate. So it's like we're talking about going on a first date and it's like, oh, by the way, I don't drink.

So I'd love to meet you for happy hour. I'll just have like a tea and see if there's pressure. See if that is weird. See if they give you like pushback on that. Or you can talk about, you know, before you get intimate, like, by the way, you know, this is what I said to my husband, like, by the way, you're wearing a condom.

So I'd love to meet you for happy hour. I'll just have like a tea and see if there's pressure. See if that is weird. See if they give you like pushback on that. Or you can talk about, you know, before you get intimate, like, by the way, you know, this is what I said to my husband, like, by the way, you're wearing a condom.

And until we both get STD tested and like swap tests, that's going to continue. And like, if that isn't respected, that's an immediate relationship ender for me. Like, that's it. So I think it can be helpful early on to set boundaries in relationships just to see how you discuss them, how you each view them. Do they see it as selfish? And if so, can you have that conversation? Do they push back?

And until we both get STD tested and like swap tests, that's going to continue. And like, if that isn't respected, that's an immediate relationship ender for me. Like, that's it. So I think it can be helpful early on to set boundaries in relationships just to see how you discuss them, how you each view them. Do they see it as selfish? And if so, can you have that conversation? Do they push back?