Melissa Urban

Yeah, I mean, I think, and this is the real challenge, is that when you're in a relationship breakdown or things aren't going well and I hear stories like this from thousands of people all the time, right? Where it's like I, in heterosexual relationships, the wife is doing all of the household management and all of the childcare and the expectations are only placed on her.

And it's like, she's the default for everything. And she has to ask her husband to help and pitch in and,

And it's like, she's the default for everything. And she has to ask her husband to help and pitch in and,

babysit his own kids and she comes to me and says like i don't know what to do in this situation the challenging thing is that at that point you can't solve that with a simple boundary right the boundary has to be like i am going to go to therapy myself to explore what my options are because at this point the way this relationship is working is not working for me right

babysit his own kids and she comes to me and says like i don't know what to do in this situation the challenging thing is that at that point you can't solve that with a simple boundary right the boundary has to be like i am going to go to therapy myself to explore what my options are because at this point the way this relationship is working is not working for me right

But if we go back to like some of the things we've talked about even earlier on in a relationship, I think setting a boundary like right away in a relationship immediately, even before you start dating, can be a super good litmus test for how well you can communicate. So it's like we're talking about going on a first date and it's like, oh, by the way, I don't drink.

But if we go back to like some of the things we've talked about even earlier on in a relationship, I think setting a boundary like right away in a relationship immediately, even before you start dating, can be a super good litmus test for how well you can communicate. So it's like we're talking about going on a first date and it's like, oh, by the way, I don't drink.

So I'd love to meet you for happy hour. I'll just have like a tea and see if there's pressure. See if that is weird. See if they give you like pushback on that. Or you can talk about, you know, before you get intimate, like, by the way, you know, this is what I said to my husband, like, by the way, you're wearing a condom.

So I'd love to meet you for happy hour. I'll just have like a tea and see if there's pressure. See if that is weird. See if they give you like pushback on that. Or you can talk about, you know, before you get intimate, like, by the way, you know, this is what I said to my husband, like, by the way, you're wearing a condom.

And until we both get STD tested and like swap tests, that's going to continue. And like, if that isn't respected, that's an immediate relationship ender for me. Like, that's it. So I think it can be helpful early on to set boundaries in relationships just to see how you discuss them, how you each view them. Do they see it as selfish? And if so, can you have that conversation? Do they push back?

And until we both get STD tested and like swap tests, that's going to continue. And like, if that isn't respected, that's an immediate relationship ender for me. Like, that's it. So I think it can be helpful early on to set boundaries in relationships just to see how you discuss them, how you each view them. Do they see it as selfish? And if so, can you have that conversation? Do they push back?

How do they handle when you navigate that pushback? I think that can be really important.

How do they handle when you navigate that pushback? I think that can be really important.

Yeah, I think the two are definitely not mutually exclusive So I think the first thing that you can do as parents is model healthy boundaries for your kids So it is me, you know saying to my husband like hey, I need a half an hour of alone time I'm gonna go to my room I'll come back out after I'm feeling a little bit more refreshed.

Yeah, I think the two are definitely not mutually exclusive So I think the first thing that you can do as parents is model healthy boundaries for your kids So it is me, you know saying to my husband like hey, I need a half an hour of alone time I'm gonna go to my room I'll come back out after I'm feeling a little bit more refreshed.

When my son watches us do that, he recognizes that in this family, it's okay to say no, that people don't get mad when you say no, that mom's taking responsibility for her own feelings. So we've been modeling healthy boundaries. But I've had boundaries with my son from the very earliest age, and I have set boundaries on his behalf. So one of the earliest boundaries I set with him or for him

When my son watches us do that, he recognizes that in this family, it's okay to say no, that people don't get mad when you say no, that mom's taking responsibility for her own feelings. So we've been modeling healthy boundaries. But I've had boundaries with my son from the very earliest age, and I have set boundaries on his behalf. So one of the earliest boundaries I set with him or for him

was when you visit grandma or grandpa or nana and pop pop and or auntie kelly and you don't see them very often you don't have to hug or kiss if you don't want to we have to be polite and say goodbye and say thank you but you can hug you can kiss you can wave you can fist bump you can make a funny face you can you know high five whatever you want but you don't have to hug or kiss if you don't want to and so we had this like issue once with my mom where she was like i really want to hug like i haven't seen him in such a long time i only see him a few times a year and i'm like i get it

was when you visit grandma or grandpa or nana and pop pop and or auntie kelly and you don't see them very often you don't have to hug or kiss if you don't want to we have to be polite and say goodbye and say thank you but you can hug you can kiss you can wave you can fist bump you can make a funny face you can you know high five whatever you want but you don't have to hug or kiss if you don't want to and so we had this like issue once with my mom where she was like i really want to hug like i haven't seen him in such a long time i only see him a few times a year and i'm like i get it

But he doesn't want to hug you. And like, you need to respect that. And she did. And I recognized that it was disappointing for her. But also what I taught my son was that you have agency. And if you don't want to hug, you don't have to.