Melissa Urban

But he doesn't want to hug you. And like, you need to respect that. And she did. And I recognized that it was disappointing for her. But also what I taught my son was that you have agency. And if you don't want to hug, you don't have to.

And so now, you know, I'll come sit next to him on the couch when he's nine and I'll be like, hey, do you want to watch Naked and Afraid and like do a little snuggle? And he'll be like, I'd love to watch the show, but I don't want to snuggle. I'm like, cool. That's fine, yeah, that's good. So we've raised him in the culture of boundaries and he feels now comfortable setting boundaries with me.

And so now, you know, I'll come sit next to him on the couch when he's nine and I'll be like, hey, do you want to watch Naked and Afraid and like do a little snuggle? And he'll be like, I'd love to watch the show, but I don't want to snuggle. I'm like, cool. That's fine, yeah, that's good. So we've raised him in the culture of boundaries and he feels now comfortable setting boundaries with me.

Boundaries really create a sense of safety for kids. They do because they realize that the adults in their household are taking responsibility for their own feelings.

Boundaries really create a sense of safety for kids. They do because they realize that the adults in their household are taking responsibility for their own feelings.

that boundaries are not about pushing other people away they're about you know creating that sense of like family in a way that works for everybody and i think they feel really safe to my kid and what are the biggest boundaries you've had to create for yourself healthy boundaries for you individually separate from family and loved ones and zillions i think boundaries with yourself

that boundaries are not about pushing other people away they're about you know creating that sense of like family in a way that works for everybody and i think they feel really safe to my kid and what are the biggest boundaries you've had to create for yourself healthy boundaries for you individually separate from family and loved ones and zillions i think boundaries with yourself

are so incredibly powerful because they only rely on one person to hold them. And you can immediately reclaim your time, your energy, your capacity, your mental health, your physical space and sense of safety. Like that's an immediate benefit from you setting one boundary with yourself. The challenging thing is that if you don't keep that boundary, like what's gonna happen, right?

are so incredibly powerful because they only rely on one person to hold them. And you can immediately reclaim your time, your energy, your capacity, your mental health, your physical space and sense of safety. Like that's an immediate benefit from you setting one boundary with yourself. The challenging thing is that if you don't keep that boundary, like what's gonna happen, right?

If you say to yourself, I'm not gonna check my phone in the morning before I do my morning routine, which is one of my most,

If you say to yourself, I'm not gonna check my phone in the morning before I do my morning routine, which is one of my most,

beloved boundaries and the one that i've set for many many years and the one that i still hold to if i do roll over and check my phone before i go to the gym and do my meditation like nobody's going to jump out of the closet and slap the phone out of my hand so you're going to know i will know and what's going to happen is that there will be a massive ripple effect to future melissa really i think about future me all the time tell me more

beloved boundaries and the one that i've set for many many years and the one that i still hold to if i do roll over and check my phone before i go to the gym and do my meditation like nobody's going to jump out of the closet and slap the phone out of my hand so you're going to know i will know and what's going to happen is that there will be a massive ripple effect to future melissa really i think about future me all the time tell me more

What is the decision that I'm making right now and how is it going to impact future Melissa? Because current Melissa is going to be so happy to just like stay up late and not start her bedtime routine and just do like one more show on Netflix. But what will this mean for future Melissa? She's going to be really mad at herself because she didn't get to bed on time.

What is the decision that I'm making right now and how is it going to impact future Melissa? Because current Melissa is going to be so happy to just like stay up late and not start her bedtime routine and just do like one more show on Netflix. But what will this mean for future Melissa? She's going to be really mad at herself because she didn't get to bed on time.

then she's going to fall asleep late and then she's probably not going to have as good a night's sleep and then when she wakes up tomorrow she's not going to be pumped for the gym and she might even skip it because she's going to be tired if she skips the gym before she does this interview she was she's like not going to be a good guest because she won't feel grounded and centered like when i play it out that way it makes it a lot easier for me to be like go to bed because future melissa will benefit so

then she's going to fall asleep late and then she's probably not going to have as good a night's sleep and then when she wakes up tomorrow she's not going to be pumped for the gym and she might even skip it because she's going to be tired if she skips the gym before she does this interview she was she's like not going to be a good guest because she won't feel grounded and centered like when i play it out that way it makes it a lot easier for me to be like go to bed because future melissa will benefit so

I have boundaries with myself where I'm not checking my phone in the morning before I do my morning routine, not checking my phone in the half hour before bedtime, so I'm not checking Twitter one more time or email one more time. I have really strong boundaries. When I'm out of office, I am out of office.

I have boundaries with myself where I'm not checking my phone in the morning before I do my morning routine, not checking my phone in the half hour before bedtime, so I'm not checking Twitter one more time or email one more time. I have really strong boundaries. When I'm out of office, I am out of office.

Unless something is on fire, you do not call or text me and I will not be checking text messages or emails. I think I set boundaries with myself pretty often. Because I know that they can be like an instant sense. They can give me an instant sense of freedom. And nobody else has to even worry about it.