Melissa Vranjes

Would you want to do it together?

so some fantasies are best kept to yourself if you think because if you know your partner well enough you know he probably isn't interested in that one I mean yeah I'm not sure the group thing would excite him but I think not all fantasies need to be spoken and shared some of them are purely just for you to devour and dine on yourself

Right, just to imagine while things are happening to you.

Yeah, I know.

And that's what comes down to having a conversation that's based on curiosity, you know, and asking don't make it mean something about you that you can't give that to your partner.

Make it about them.

You know, they've had the courage to share a fantasy that they've maybe been sitting on for like a decade, you know.

And so it's just like, oh, tell me more about that.

And instead of getting like offensive or like, oh, my God, I can't give you that.

It's like, tell me more about that.

Oh, how could we play just a little bit of that in our sex life?

And also, I think what's really important is understanding what's underneath the fantasy, like sometimes the actual fantasy.

thing of like say let's go back to the tied up example it's not actually necessarily about being tied up it's about the power play dynamic that's going on there okay so if there's a power dynamic that is like turning you on how could you bring that into your relationship then so I think it's important to go a little bit deeper than the actual thing and sometimes sometimes if your partner lets you or participates in the fantasy with you or lets the fantasy come to life

And I come back to this, not every fantasy you want to play out, it can just be something that you dine on inside your own mind.

Oh, my God, absolutely.

And that means nothing about your relationship.

You know, it's like you can be in a beautiful, loving relationship, have a super creative, erotic mind, and your relationship's normal and healthy.

And, you know, I think...

When it gets to an unhealthy place is where you're maybe only using your fantasy to get off and not actually being present in the moment.

So, for example, your partner's going down on you and all you're thinking about is the fantasy and you're completely disconnected from your body, from your partner, from being present.