Melissa Vranjes

Yeah, totally.

I actually spoke to a guy a couple of years ago, a friend of a friend, and he was saying it takes him a lot to orgasm with a partner and orgasm from head.

And yeah, I could tell that there was shame around all of that and that he was confused.

And I always just bring that back to like,

It can be so many things.

Like, are you watching porn that's, like, really different to what you're experiencing in partner play?

Like, if you're watching, and I'm just going to go to extreme here, if you're watching, like, really extreme, hardcore, fast porn, but then you're in partnership with somebody and it's slow and it's sensual, like, there's a mismatch there.

You've wired your body to get aroused through, like...

hardcore porn but then there's slowness and sensuality here and your body's like what we don't get turned on by this that's an extreme case also the sleep thing like you know so many women like why do men just fall asleep after they come straight away yeah and it's because a lot of men have wired up their bodies to masturbate before going to bed before going to sleep so they masturbate and then it's like okay now off to sleep and so their body their brain and body is like now that i've come it's time to go to sleep

Yeah, but that's more hormone-based.

Right.

That's more like testosterone, like you're peaking and cortisol is peaking in the morning, which is why morning sex is phenomenal.

There's actually a podcaster dude who spoke about that on Stephen Bartlett's podcast.

and he speaks about like why morning sex is such a great time to be having sex due to both the female and male hormones in the body compared to at night when our cortisol's drop when estrogens drop testosterone um yeah so morning sex everyone morning masturbation i've got to get up wash my face brush my teeth have a shower go to the toilet and then by the time i finish that i'm not in the mood anymore

It's pleasure for everything.

For masturbation, for sex.

If the goal is pleasure, you're going to have better sex.

When we're so focused, which again, it's just our society, it's like sex finishes when there's an orgasm.

If I don't orgasm, there's something wrong with me.

I've failed.