Mercedes Coffman

Now, emotional capacity is very important because it determines if a person could actually sit through what a relationship needs, which is the growing pains of it.

Can they sit through an argument?

Can they sit through unresolved conflict that you might trigger about their past or their traumas?

And a lot of people have desire, but it outpaces their capacity.

So they want to make the relationship work, but desire in most relationship now outpaces capacity and emotional maturity.

So now you have misalignment, not because people don't want the person they're with.

It's just that they can't sustain a relationship with the person they're with.

And it's hard to do that because the thing is, is that

A lot of the times, a person could start off with emotional capacity and emotional availability.

Serotonin's high, dopamine's high in the beginning, novelty is high, and they have the high desire.

So everything is aligned in the beginning.

It's just that once consistency effort and follow-through is required, and now you're talking about a future and maybe moving in together, that's when people's limitations are revealed.

So it's not as though, and so that's why people want to stay and hold on to something longer because they go, I seen it in the beginning.

He had all those qualities in the beginning.

So they got to be there.

I'm just going to remain patient until they return.

And the truth is, is that, well, no, he could have genuinely had them at that time, but now you're on a different level and he might not have the fuels for this level.

And then we have to accept it, you know, and kind of just go, okay, we're at the fork of the road.

You don't have any more energy to keep going.

And it was great while it lasted, but we have to be honest with ourselves.