Mercedes Coffman

Go bungee jumping.

Do exciting hobbies and activities.

Have friendships that are exciting.

I just think that we have, it's almost like staying in the casino and not leaving when you win a good prize because you're like, I feel like there's a better prize out there and I want to win more.

And so that's the issue is like, we don't know when to leave.

We don't know when to go, no, but this is stable and this is good.

I'll get my excitement elsewhere.

Because all intensity and excitement nowadays is nervous system activation.

It's not that this person is so much more exciting.

They give you the love bombing intensity.

And that makes you feel alive because we've become very numb nowadays.

We're overstimulated.

And so when you're overstimulated, it's almost like being shot with an anesthetic.

You need something really hard to awaken you.

Because obsession is rarely ever about the other person.

Obsession is about nervous system activation.

Because in early dating, you do not have enough data to know if this person is compatible with you.

You do not know enough about their patterns.

You do not know enough about alignment between you two.

And so if you're feeling obsessed in early dating, meaning you can't stop thinking about this person, you're having intrusive thoughts about this person, you're constantly waiting for their messages and rereading messages, that's your nervous system saying something is uncertain and the nervous system is designed to create certainty out of uncertainty.