Mercedes Coffman

how discouraging it is and how most of my emotionally available clients are just not interested in dating anymore.

And they are completely fatigued and discouraged.

And, you know, whenever you slide too much in one direction, it's not good for your health, right?

So emotionally available people now are not dating at all, a lot of them.

And chronic loneliness is just as unhealthy for the nervous system as dating or being in situationships because neither one of them are really tending to your needs.

So what's happening is emotionally available people, although they have the right intentions,

Being lonely right now and having that chronic loneliness is just as detrimental to their health.

And so we need to figure something out and design a system where they can meet partners who are held accountable because there's no accountability in the dating apps nowadays.

There is low effort because there are so many options, which means there's more disposability.

And so if we have a place where these emotionally available people could go and be seen and don't feel so disposable, I think that they'll believe in love again.

There are some signs that you could detect in early dating.

So one of the ways is, I think, delaying gratification.

So if you meet someone and you're on a date with a person, watch for patterns instead of potential.

So don't just rely on the intensity or the chemistry that you might immediately feel with the person, but notice how they react when there is no physical reward at the end of the night.

Know how they are with the waiter if the food is a little too late.

What's their patience like, right?

So you could assess for their capacity.

And once you see that this person could manage their emotions, this person could talk about intentions, they could deal with feedback without withdrawing or avoiding, those are some of the quick ways that I tell clients to assess for emotional availability and capacity in early dating.

No, and I agree with you.

I think nowadays we have to assess for different things.