Michael Gervais

our brain's mechanism is designed for survival, our survival, not the survival of our friends necessarily.

So that's where the spotlight effect comes from, where these selfish, self-focused, a bit narcissistic, and I say that in a non-clinical way, but self-absorbed approach, trying to figure out how to be okay in social settings.

And so...

The fun takeaway is that most people are not paying attention to you.

Grandma had this kind of right, is that they're focusing on themselves.

So maybe just drop the whole drama here and know that you're okay.

A performance-based identity, the definition is I am what I do and how well I do it relative to you.

A purpose-based identity is completely different.

It is focused on what is my reason for being here and how well am I able to contribute to that.

So how do you crosswalk the two?

Again, it begins with awareness.

And if you think about the things that scare you, the things that threaten you, the things that create anxiety, is it that your purpose is going to be compromised or is that you're going to look a certain way and that you're going to get kicked out of the tribe or you're going to get fired or thought less of?

So if you are on that performance-based side, which is what I just described, then it begins with kind of pushing your chair back from the table and

And taking a couple deep breaths, literally, but figuratively as well.

And just thinking, like, what am I doing with my time here?

And that's a very big question.

That is a rite of passage to modern day adulthood.

What is my purpose?

What am I doing here?

Now there is a science underneath of it.