Michelle Chalfant
speaker
133 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard May 2025
last heard May 2025
Michelle Chalfant’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
When I look at what you're doing or when I experience what you're doing, what does it make me feel? Again, this is not like airy fairy or mushy. It's like, gosh, you know, it really makes me feel like I'm not seen or I'm not heard or I'm invisible. So we want to start with getting in touch with what the heck I'm feeling. And then I share that with you.
I share that piece with you like, hey, Heather. I realize, you know, when you treat me that way, I feel invisible. It makes me feel invisible. Can we have a conversation about this? Can you please stop? Can you please stop saying that to me? So we don't know what we feel. We know to use just anger or we sweep it under the carpet. And we need to find that other way.
And the third door is let's start getting in touch with really what's going on underneath the anger and dive a little bit into that resentment and go, what the heck am I resentful for? Why are they irritating me? There's something in the irritation. And we need to learn how to turn toward the thing that's irritating us, the thing that's making us resentful, that person, that thing.
Get in touch within ourselves as far as what's going on, and then we share that. And that goes back to, even deeper, Heather, We don't know what we're feeling. Our emotions are our superpower. I used to work with high-powered CEOs. I worked with movie stars. I worked with people that were in when I lived in Nashville for 13 years. I had big executives come in.
I had all kinds of people that would come in. When we learn how to touch and feel our emotions, they become our superpower. It's where we gain our intuition. It's where we gain our needs. And we want to learn how to feel. And I'm going to say 8 out of 10 people, when I would ask them, hey, what are you feeling? Like, tell me what's going on inside your body. They're like, I don't know.
I don't know. I feel angry. OK, what else? And man, when we start penetrating what's going on in the body, and I say dropping down below the chin, it's like penetrating the chin. Like what's going on down here instead of here? Game changer. Game changer. We try to solve everything. We go into our ego.
We try to go into the mind and fix it and change things and make you change so I don't get so triggered. No, you got to go in the body. And that's a key element of setting boundaries again.
Triggers are one of my favorite things to talk about. And here's why. Triggers reveal... our unknown or unconscious beliefs about ourselves. So if, like we just did, like what? Yeah, so if, here it is. If I trigger you, if I say something or do something or don't say or do something, whatever it might be, I don't care who it is outside of you. What is actually happening is,
There's a belief inside of you that's rising up and it's presented to you almost on a silver platter, if you're willing to look. And that belief, and we all, every single human has these beliefs. Everybody does. And here's what's crazy. They're formed usually by the age of three to six at the latest. We all have beliefs.
Something like, I'm not lovable, I'm not good enough, I'm bad, I don't matter, I'm not seen, nobody listens to me. We all have that. Now, maybe I have a deeper feeling of I'm not lovable and you may have I'm bad more. Again, we're all a little different in that way. But we've all got those beliefs. We don't know what they are because they're not in the conscious mind.
They're sitting in the unconscious mind. The reason they're in the unconscious mind, who the hell wants to feel them? So when we're little, we drop them down into the unconscious mind, so when we're triggered, those beliefs are rising up within us. And if we're willing to take a look at what it is that is rising up within us, we actually can start healing and turning those beliefs around.
And then we stop getting so triggered. We stop getting so angry. We stop having so much emotional dysregulation. We can start having more ease in our bodies. We have more peace. We have more happiness. But most people, what happens is when they get triggered, They blame the person that is triggering them. They yell at them. They get pissed. They tell them off.
And they go tell all their friends, like, can you believe so-and-so did that to me? All the things. And then all the friends and family validate you. And that beautiful belief that was sitting right there for you to look at, for you to transform, drops down below the surface back into the unconscious mind and it just sits there again.
So instead, what we want to do is get curious about what the heck is coming up for me that is mine and start working on that belief.
Yeah, and it's not about, and I love that you said that. That's a great classic example. But when people are pointing the finger within, I really want to stress this point. It's not about judging yourself ever. It's about looking inward with curiosity. That's all it is. Like, huh, I wonder what's going on here. I remember years ago, I was working with a group of people.
And there was a girl that had, a woman that had, she was a nurse. She'd been a nurse for 15 some years. And the nurse, the charge nurse, the main nurse on the floor, she said, she goes, she's such a bitch. I can't stand her. She irritates me. And you're telling me this is mine. I said, I sure am. I'm telling you, this is all yours because here's the thing. People can do mean things.
Let me clear this up. If you do something, if I'm waiting for a parking spot, I'm going to Whole Foods or something, and I'm waiting for this parking spot and you come ripping it in your car and you take my spot, I'm going to be angry. And we'd be like, what the hell? I've been sitting here for five minutes. Like, why are you taking my spot?
If I go in Whole Foods and I'm still thinking about it 15 minutes later, that's a trigger. So if you carry it with you and you can't stop thinking about it, you can't stop talking about it, that's a belief that's rising up to the consciousness saying, hey, you want to work with me or not?
But sometimes we're just angry because someone does something mean, but if there's no trigger, if there's nothing to work with, you kind of forget about it and you move on. But let me get back to the story. So this woman, Came up in front of the... She got up and staged with me. I said, okay, what's going on?
Anyway, I'm not going to bore you with all the details, but so fascinating because she had a coworker there with her. And she says, I have to admit, she's like this nurse manager or charge nurse or whatever she was, whoever managed the whole floor. She goes, she's horrible to everybody. She goes, I'm telling you, I just think it's her. And I said...
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