Michelle Chalfant

You know what I mean? Oh my God, I lost your question. I'm thinking about, because when you were talking, the whole time you were talking, I was like, we're really out of touch with our needs and it feels uncomfortable. I think that was your question, why does it feel so uncomfortable? Again, we don't know how to do it. Who taught you, who did you witness when you were growing up?

You know what I mean? Oh my God, I lost your question. I'm thinking about, because when you were talking, the whole time you were talking, I was like, we're really out of touch with our needs and it feels uncomfortable. I think that was your question, why does it feel so uncomfortable? Again, we don't know how to do it. Who taught you, who did you witness when you were growing up?

Did you witness anyone that set these healthy boundaries with you? Or did you see, again, I don't know what your family was like growing up, but for me, my mom just didn't say anything. And when she tried, maybe my dad didn't listen. So she was ignored and then she just stopped. So then you go with the flow, and my mom would share with me how mad she was at my dad. I'm like, so unhealthy, right?

Did you witness anyone that set these healthy boundaries with you? Or did you see, again, I don't know what your family was like growing up, but for me, my mom just didn't say anything. And when she tried, maybe my dad didn't listen. So she was ignored and then she just stopped. So then you go with the flow, and my mom would share with me how mad she was at my dad. I'm like, so unhealthy, right?

Did you witness anyone that set these healthy boundaries with you? Or did you see, again, I don't know what your family was like growing up, but for me, my mom just didn't say anything. And when she tried, maybe my dad didn't listen. So she was ignored and then she just stopped. So then you go with the flow, and my mom would share with me how mad she was at my dad. I'm like, so unhealthy, right?

But my mom was doing the best that she could, but that's how we are raised. So then we become adults, and it's like, well, how am I supposed to say that? I don't know what I'm doing. So then I become like my mom did or like my dad did with me, which is I'm just going to sweep under the carpet. I'm going to make an excuse for you and say – You didn't mean it. It's okay.

But my mom was doing the best that she could, but that's how we are raised. So then we become adults, and it's like, well, how am I supposed to say that? I don't know what I'm doing. So then I become like my mom did or like my dad did with me, which is I'm just going to sweep under the carpet. I'm going to make an excuse for you and say – You didn't mean it. It's okay.

But my mom was doing the best that she could, but that's how we are raised. So then we become adults, and it's like, well, how am I supposed to say that? I don't know what I'm doing. So then I become like my mom did or like my dad did with me, which is I'm just going to sweep under the carpet. I'm going to make an excuse for you and say – You didn't mean it. It's okay.

I'm just going to blow it off. I'm going to brush it off. No big deal. It's not healthy. It's draining. It builds resentment. It builds internal anger toward that other person. And that resentment, although we have a smell on our face, but that resentment builds and builds and builds. And that is then when we snap at people out of left field and like, what's wrong with you having a bad day?

I'm just going to blow it off. I'm going to brush it off. No big deal. It's not healthy. It's draining. It builds resentment. It builds internal anger toward that other person. And that resentment, although we have a smell on our face, but that resentment builds and builds and builds. And that is then when we snap at people out of left field and like, what's wrong with you having a bad day?

I'm just going to blow it off. I'm going to brush it off. No big deal. It's not healthy. It's draining. It builds resentment. It builds internal anger toward that other person. And that resentment, although we have a smell on our face, but that resentment builds and builds and builds. And that is then when we snap at people out of left field and like, what's wrong with you having a bad day?

Oh yeah, no, I don't know what's going on. Sorry. It's hormones or it's whatever's going on, but really it's a pile of resentment because you haven't been speaking up all this, all this time.

Oh yeah, no, I don't know what's going on. Sorry. It's hormones or it's whatever's going on, but really it's a pile of resentment because you haven't been speaking up all this, all this time.

Oh yeah, no, I don't know what's going on. Sorry. It's hormones or it's whatever's going on, but really it's a pile of resentment because you haven't been speaking up all this, all this time.

We got to start with, oh my gosh. Okay. We have to start again. I go back to the needs. Like, what do you exactly really need? I know I don't like what you're doing. Something feels off in my body. When you showed up like that, when you acted like that, when my team acted like this, it made me mad. But here's the thing. Anger is actually a defense. Think about it.

We got to start with, oh my gosh. Okay. We have to start again. I go back to the needs. Like, what do you exactly really need? I know I don't like what you're doing. Something feels off in my body. When you showed up like that, when you acted like that, when my team acted like this, it made me mad. But here's the thing. Anger is actually a defense. Think about it.

We got to start with, oh my gosh. Okay. We have to start again. I go back to the needs. Like, what do you exactly really need? I know I don't like what you're doing. Something feels off in my body. When you showed up like that, when you acted like that, when my team acted like this, it made me mad. But here's the thing. Anger is actually a defense. Think about it.

If I'm mad at you and I start yelling at you, you're either going to come back at me with more anger or you're going to shut down and do what I want you to do. So anger is a great emotion, but it can also be used as a defense to get you to do what I want you to do. Unhealthy boundary again. So what we want to do instead is really get in touch with what are you doing or what...

If I'm mad at you and I start yelling at you, you're either going to come back at me with more anger or you're going to shut down and do what I want you to do. So anger is a great emotion, but it can also be used as a defense to get you to do what I want you to do. Unhealthy boundary again. So what we want to do instead is really get in touch with what are you doing or what...

If I'm mad at you and I start yelling at you, you're either going to come back at me with more anger or you're going to shut down and do what I want you to do. So anger is a great emotion, but it can also be used as a defense to get you to do what I want you to do. Unhealthy boundary again. So what we want to do instead is really get in touch with what are you doing or what...