Michelle Flynn

And there's the identity change that happens for mum and dad, you know, the roles change and there might be one partner who's doing more work.

or carrying more of what we call the emotional load.

And all of that, you know, it squeezes you.

And there's less time for it, not only just for yourself and for your own needs as individuals, but then when it comes to the relationship, often that just kind of gets left behind.

And I think, you know, unless there is a concerted effort and a kind of mindful approach to looking after the relationship,

That's where we see, unfortunately, marriages breaking down, separations happening.

So it is really important to plan for this time, postpartum or even as the kids get older.

How are you going to mind your relationship and nurture it?

Well, I think, I mean, everything doesn't, you know, doesn't everything really boil down to communication, Clare?

You know, I think these are the conversations that we have to have before the baby arrives, not just when you're in the thick of it and there's no time to think about yourself.

So being able to really communicate your needs.

So something I'd see a lot in my practice is that kind of need for connection, need for intimacy, you know, that when a baby comes along, we often forget about the mom that might need that connection.

Dad might need that connection.

So

kind of expressing and being able to name what your needs are like so for example it might be you know just in the middle of the night when everything is kicking off baby's crying and you know feeling emotionally stretched burnt out and made him say look I just need you to take the baby for a moment or I just need you to give me a moment to take a breath

So even communicating your needs, that creates intimacy.

So we kind of go from this situation where maybe before the baby was there, there's date nights, there's, you know, cuddles on the couch.

There's all of that stuff that happens.

But intimacy changes and looks really different when a baby comes along.

So it's about the small things, you know, even just when you're sitting together on the couch, maybe just reaching out and holding a hand.