Mike Carruthers

Well, I would imagine that if you've been in a relationship that's struggling and this is the problem and you learn about the problem, you learn about these styles, that right there relieves some of the pressure.

Like, oh, well, now I understand why we're having this issue and it would make it a lot easier to fix it.

So where do these attachment styles come from?

Is the attachment style you had with your parents, with your mother, does that dictate what your attachment style will be later in life?

Seems like that would have something to do with it.

So what changes it?

What is it that, can you point to something and go, well, see, he used to be this way, now he's this way, and this is because that happened.

There does seem to be, as I listen to you talk about this, there seems to be a line, though, because you could be in a relationship with someone who's avoidant, you know, doesn't want a lot of closeness.

So they never give you gifts.

They never give you flowers on Valentine's Day.

They never want to be around.

They're very avoidant.

They're too avoidant.

And you can't just say, well, that's their attachment style.

You know, there is a line at which point you've got to go, well, you know, however, we're in a relationship here and you're not stepping up.

I have this sense that people who have been listening to this for the last 20 minutes have heard in what you said, have heard something about themselves or something about the people they are in a relationship with that explains a lot.

And I think it's been really helpful.

I've been speaking with Dr. Amir Levine.

He is a psychiatrist and neuroscientist at Columbia University.

And he's author of the book, Attached.