Mike Carruthers

So what changes it?

What is it that, can you point to something and go, well, see, he used to be this way, now he's this way, and this is because that happened.

There does seem to be, as I listen to you talk about this, there seems to be a line, though, because you could be in a relationship with someone who's avoidant, you know, doesn't want a lot of closeness.

So they never give you gifts.

They never give you flowers on Valentine's Day.

They never want to be around.

They're very avoidant.

They're too avoidant.

And you can't just say, well, that's their attachment style.

You know, there is a line at which point you've got to go, well, you know, however, we're in a relationship here and you're not stepping up.

I have this sense that people who have been listening to this for the last 20 minutes have heard in what you said, have heard something about themselves or something about the people they are in a relationship with that explains a lot.

And I think it's been really helpful.

I've been speaking with Dr. Amir Levine.

He is a psychiatrist and neuroscientist at Columbia University.

And he's author of the book, Attached.

The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love.

He's also the author of another book called Secure, The Revolutionary Guide to Creating a Secure Life.

And there's a link to both of those books in the show notes.

Also, earlier in the episode, Amir mentioned a quiz that's on his website, and so there's a link to his website in the show notes as well.

Every day, your life is shaped by predictions.