Mike Carruthers

So then it would seem that people who are avoidant or anxious would repel each other, that you would see problems with them and they would see problems with you.

Why can't people figure that out?

Are there no warning signs in the beginning that this is headed for trouble or not?

I want to ask you about the different combinations of attachment styles, how some attachment styles mix with others, how well and how not so well in a minute.

My guest is Dr. Amir Levine.

He is a psychiatrist and co-author of the book Attached, The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love.

And so, Amir, are there different combinations of these attachment styles that go together well and others, if they get together in a relationship, they're just doomed?

Well, I would imagine that if you've been in a relationship that's struggling and this is the problem and you learn about the problem, you learn about these styles, that right there relieves some of the pressure.

Like, oh, well, now I understand why we're having this issue and it would make it a lot easier to fix it.

So where do these attachment styles come from?

Is the attachment style you had with your parents, with your mother, does that dictate what your attachment style will be later in life?

Seems like that would have something to do with it.

So what changes it?

What is it that, can you point to something and go, well, see, he used to be this way, now he's this way, and this is because that happened.

There does seem to be, as I listen to you talk about this, there seems to be a line, though, because you could be in a relationship with someone who's avoidant, you know, doesn't want a lot of closeness.

So they never give you gifts.

They never give you flowers on Valentine's Day.

They never want to be around.

They're very avoidant.

They're too avoidant.