Mike Schur

We're going to talk about something else, which is that it's your birthday today.

We're going to talk about how it's your birthday, and also we're going to talk about how it's the end of 2024. And as a fan of the show and as a fan of Meadowlark Media, I, Mike Schur, have made some observations.

Mike Schur.

2024 Meadowlark Media Observations. Wow. Is brought to you by the world champion Boston Celtics.

That's right. The Celtics bought this sponsorship space just to piss off Mike Ryan one more time before the year ends. Look, what do you want me to do? The Celtics swooped in and bought this sponsorship to this segment just to piss you off one more time.

He was supposed to be the savior of New York City. The Big Apple was desperate for him to lead their fated franchise back to glory. But his body was too old and broken down. And instead of focusing on his job, he was off doing hallucinogenic drugs and making documentaries about himself. But dammit, I still have faith that he can return to his old MVP self.

Because this is one champion you can never count out. And Dan... Make no mistake about it. Just like that. Stu Gatz is back. Yes. Yes.

WFAN's loss is Metal Ark's loss, I guess. Haven't had a chance to read Stu Gatz's book yet. But then again, neither has Stu Gatz.

It's time for a 2024 Miami Heat roundup.

Coach Spoh. Bubble fraud. Good one without LeBron. What? Hey, this is my metal arc observations. You have your metal arc observations. I have mine. Tyler Hero. Do it in the playoffs. Jeremy Taché. Just shush. Just shush. Just stop talking for like two minutes. I literally beg you. Also, I had a great time on the pitch clock. Please have me back.

He's the only other person I know who likes baseball. The Miami Heat are floating Jimmy Butler trade rumors again. Hey, does anyone want to pay a 36-year-old clubhouse poison $52 million next year? That's a tempting offer, Pat, but I'll pass. Unfortunately for Stugatz, the only team I can imagine falling for that is the New York Jets. The New York Jets might sign Jimmy Butler. Miami Hurricanes.

The rare top flight blue blood football program to make an appearance in the Pop-Tarts Bowl. Hey, you know what the H in hurricane stands for, Dan? I do not. It stands for... They ended up in the Pop-Tarts Bowl. The trophy is a football that actually totes Pop-Tarts. That's where Mike Ryan's blue blood top flight program ended up.

Bought his way right into the goddamn Pop-Tarts Bowl. It's a prestigious bowl, Mike. It is. All right. Here come the Rockets. Shout out to Jessica Spatana. Notre Dame football made the playoff. Notre Dame women's basketball just beat UConn. Top five program. Steelers are the team no one wants to play in the playoffs.

And the rest of you jamokes, meanwhile, just root for a bunch of awful loser teams. And she has to sit there every week and listen to you talk about how the Dolphins have a 2% chance to get the seventh seed of the Colts finished with three straight ties.

That's right. She has the patience of Job, that woman. Lucy Rodin somehow convinced Meadowlark to pay her to travel all over the country and go to college football games. I couldn't convince Meadowlark to host my not-for-profit baseball podcast on their podcasting network. How did she do it?

Hey, I have another Meadowlark media drinking game. We all do a shot of whiskey every time David Sampson says de minimis. Oh, the cost is de minimis. Oh, the overall expenditure is de minimis. It's really de minimis. No, it's de minimis. You know what the D in David Sampson stands for, Dan?

I'll ask you again. He's de minimis. No, it stands for don't ever give him my phone number. Oh, okay. Good guess, though.

That's right. We're not teammates. Because of business people like him. Hey, Dan Levitard is 56 years old today, everyone. And I'll tell you something else. He doesn't look a day... Under 56 years old. Dan Levitard. Do it at 57.

You went right from 44 to 56. You quantum leaped.

Top five handsomest men who are 56 years old. Oh, wow. Number five, Will Smith. Number four, Aaron Eckhart. Number three, Daniel Craig. Number two, Hugh Jackman. What? And the number one handsomest 56-year-old man, Timothy Oliphant. I guess Dan didn't make the list. Metal Ark Media in a contract year. Trying to make a good impression on DraftKings. Hey, I know what'll seal the deal.