Mike Wozniak

There were strong hopes for Melissa Elmore,

Mo Anspoons, David Caracato, Max Valentine, and Gemma Ascombe's mum Denise's plan to airdrop four metric tons of genetically engineered widowmaker curry paste onto the Sean Bean heath, but a navigational error in the preparation stage resulting from a wet piece of poppadom falling from Anders Michael's gob and onto the charts, led to the drop hitting the city of Copenhagen, and a state of war now exists between Sean Bean and Denmark.

Zoe Evans, Bean Queen, Anna Osinski and Sam Liliwight probably would have made it with their uranium chutney on the Roscoff to Plymouth car ferry, but it's a six-hour crossing with only very bland microwave paninis available from the canteen, so who can blame them for eating the lot?

Adam Bruschi, Danny Che, Nigel Milner and Jess also ate all of their battery acid remoulade, but with the less forgivable excuse of having to wait for longer than expected at a tea junction.

All the above taken into account, all that remained was for Jamie Foster, General Enquiries, and Johnny Scott to do shots of a slightly over-peppered Tuscan ragout that Kath and Suzanne bought as a memento of their tour of Florence, the events of which are still subject to a media blackout until 2076.

Thanks all.

A perfectly nice tune on the piano.

Mike, we went medieval with you last time out. All King Arthur-y. I had a lovely old time. You knew a lot. It was grist to my mill. I felt like I hadn't wasted my childhood. You were in your element. But this is a different kettle of fish. Oh, is it? Yeah, this is utter bleak ignorance.

This is great. But not nobility, I'm saying. That neck of the woods. Are you hustling us? Are you pretending to not know anything and then suddenly rolling out knowledge? Marian, I think Mike got it first time, son of a merchant. Yeah, brilliant. It's a merchant, is it? Okay. Yeah, so a wine merchant. So his father was a vintner, that's what we call them. That's what we call them in Devon as well. Well, we do when we're trying to be a little bit classy and a bit pretentious. Yeah.

It's very clear which side they were on. So we've got massive inflation and wage inflation. If you were alive, you were then doing well. So Mike, if you were a teenage Geoffrey Chaucer, you're living in cosmopolitan London. What sort of profession are you aiming to go into next? Me personally, I don't think I'd have made the most of this. Chaucer, I think, has got a bit better work ethic than me. I'm assuming he would have gone into the family trades.

Ok, so you think wine? You think he's going following dad? I think wine, you know, if he's having a lovely life and wine, it's got a bit of glamour, hasn't it? And if he's into his reading and his writing, he can do that on the weekends. It's a very sensible answer. I assume. He sort of goes... He doesn't, no, he does something quite different. He kind of starts to leap classes in a way. Yeah, up or down.

Mitä luulet, Mike?

Mikä olisikin komediakirja storytelling competitionin, Mike? Se olisi pahimmillaan pahimmillaan pahimmillaan pahimmillaan pahimmillaan.

So it's not the storming gigs, it's not the ones where you've absolutely killed... No one wants to hear that at all. No, that comic is being booted out of the car immediately. It's the real stinker. It's the one where the audience, yeah, people were following you out to do violence upon you. Running to the car park, locking the doors. Marian, why is The Canterbury Tales so important, both as a literary work and also in terms of our sense of the English language?

Mike, we went medieval with you last time out. We went all King Arthur-y. I had a lovely old time. You knew a lot. It was grist to my mill. I felt like I hadn't wasted my childhood. You were in your element. But this is a different kettle of fish. Oh, is it? Yeah, this is utter bleak ignorance.

Okay, Mike. Yes. From your high level of knowledge, you've already promised us, what sort of family do you think Geoffrey Chaucer was born into? What kind of class do you think he arrived into? Well, he's literate and not just literate. I don't know, the son of some sort of merchant or trader or ship's captain or someone who's got some qualifications, possibly a member of a guild, that kind of thing, but not nobility, I'm saying. That neck of the woods.

Mikko, jos olisit vanhempi Geoffrey Chaucer, olisit ollut hienoja koulutuksia ja elänyt Kosmopolitiikan Lontoon, millaista työtä haluaisit mennä seuraavaksi? Minä en usko, että olisin tehnyt enemmän tätä. Chaucer on mielestäni tehnyt parempaa työtä kuin minä. Luulen, että hän olisi mennyt perheeseen. Okei, niin sinä ajattelet, että hän on mennyt...

Vain, you know, if he's having a lovely life and wine, it's got a bit of glamour, hasn't it? And if he's into his reading and his writing, he can do that on the weekends. It's a very sensible answer. I assume. He sort of goes... He doesn't, no, he does something quite different. He kind of starts to leap classes in a way. Yeah, up or down.

Se on todennäköisesti Daburin henkilön ääniä. Mietin, mitä he dokumentoivat. Onko hän käynyt keskustelussa tai onko hänellä ollut hankkeessa? Onko he käyneet Ulstaan ja tullut väärään hankkeen? Onko he käyneet lokalaisen dramaan?

Kyllä. Kun olin samaa aamua, isäni osti minulle jalkapankkia.