Miranda July
speaker
106 appearances
2 recordings
1 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard Jan 2025
Miranda July’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
By the time I was writing the book, I was aware, like, oh, that fear or hatred of older women is, of course, self-hatred, you know, because I will become that. And to some degree, I already am that to people younger than me. You know, so it's like a kind of slippery zone.
Well, I had a different experience from the narrator. I actually had this amazing doctor, Dr. Maggie Ney, who started talking with me about it in my early 40s. I may have been just 40. And she's like, look, we're going to take your blood and see where your hormone levels are at. And that's just to get a baseline so that
As you get older and your hormone levels drop, we'll kind of understand the speed at which that's happening and when you might want to do bioidentical hormones if you want that. And I always remember at the end of describing all this, which was a longer conversation, she said, I'm so excited for you. And she didn't mean that, like, as a joke.
And I, not knowing anything else about this, never having had a conversation about it in any other time in my life, not having had a conversation about it ever before with anyone, I just smiled. I just dumbly smiled and was like, huh, yeah. You never know what's coming next, you know? Like, this is exciting. Like, go from ballet slippers to pointe shoes, you know? Like, it's always something.
I don't know. It didn't seem inherently bad. But then, as I would talk to my friends, I was like the only one who knew anything.
Yeah, I mean, my changing life moment, it wasn't like I alone in my head was coming up with that I had to do this. It was like an ongoing conversation with my husband at the time. And very slow, and we both... I think as much as we didn't want to traumatize our kid, we also didn't want to traumatize ourselves. And we were very attached to ourself and the triangle of our family.
So what exactly had to change and what could stay the same changed. I feel like it's still changing. I mean, kind of as long as we're a family, which will hopefully be forever, you know, you've got three changing people in it whose needs are changing and who are trying to be honest. And I guess that was the big shift was like, oh, we're not going to pretend we're not changing anymore.
And that a lot of those changes have nothing to do with each other anymore. You know, or this thing that we've built. But, you know, as much as you worry about the kid, my biggest worry was that they wouldn't get to see me as I really was. And I say they because they're non-binary. There's just one kid there.
because I started to realize, oh, there's a whole lot of myself that happens outside the home with my best friend or in my studio alone being creative or just me alone in the world. Like, I feel like I'm starting to feel like this part that used to just be like,
me on a break or you know at work this may be the lion's share of me this might be kind of what I have to offer them as far as um one way to live one way to be but actually when I go home I'm being like a smaller version and not kind of like I um just less interesting to even to myself, like, cause I was biting my tongue a lot. Um, and no one was asking me to do this by the way.
Like it's, um, it's very personal. I know a lot of people who the freest they feel is, is in their home and you know, the world is terrifying, but, um, And so I began to feel like something I had to do for my child, like I need to change these circumstances so they can see who I really am.
It is interesting. I feel a little different since the book came out. I've now read so many emails and messages and comments on my sub stack about... And women at this point or women doing things differently are trying to figure this out that I no longer I'm like, is there a way to answer this question that isn't specific to me?
Because I actually don't feel like I think at the time I felt very unique and very like no one's doing what I'm doing and both worried by that and sort of proud. And now I'm like, no, no. And this is incredibly widespread, at least lots of thoughts about it. And then people trying to figure out how to do it. I mean, the thing of living together... It's what you're used to.
Obviously, that's not going to work if you're incredibly embattled, you know. But if you're not, then it is kind of an opportunity to see who the other person is a bit more. Like, wow, this person who is like my longtime friend. But I never could quite see what they were like when they're dating, you know?
Not that, like, you're necessarily getting any details or anything, but just, like, their energy, you know, because you were the person they were dating, and now you're not. And, like, yeah, there might be some sadness or strangeness about that, but... You're also like, look at you. You're a person. Like I never really gave you all of that. And meanwhile, you're also getting it too.
Like they're seeing you as a person more completely and nothing you do is threatening in the old way. You know, the way every new thing and change is like sort of threatening when you're in a couple sometimes. Yeah.
And if you know it's going to be a lifelong relationship, you know, partly because of the child, but also because, you know, life isn't that long and you've already invested so much time and energy with this person, like maybe that's sort of interesting to get to see and be seen, you know, in this different way.
Yes. I mean, that's like a whole other book that I didn't write. The child in the book is non-binary. And I remember... sort of wrestling with like, should I have the child be he, and it would be he for a while, then she, none of these things are feeling right. You know, it is a fiction. I'm making up all kinds of other things.
Surely I can just, the gender of this child doesn't have to map onto the gender of my child. But I went home one day and asked my child, I just described this situation. I said, what do you What do you think? Should I just have them be they them? I mean, I don't want, you know, it's not you, you know, so I don't want that to feel invasive to you.
And they said, I think everyone in the book should be they them. Which was such a kind of 2.0 answer, like sort of like just questioning the construction of gender in general. And I said like, okay, yeah, I'm not there yet. Point taken. And then I just went with they, them. And there's maybe one point in the book where it's kind of acknowledged that
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