Nadia

And I accept that about myself.

It's okay.

And I wasn't going to parties anymore feeling like, oh God, I'm the only one.

I'm like, I'm cool.

This is okay.

But we went to dinner and we were talking as friends.

And I just remember being really...

Just really open and just feeling really myself, which I never felt with men.

Yes.

Because I had a dad that told me I had verbal diarrhea if I spoke too much or you don't know anything or whatever it was.

And I remember going to therapy that week and going,

Yeah, I know I said I've signed off on relationships and I have, but what I did notice is at this dinner, not butts with him, but I did notice at this dinner that I really liked how myself I felt.

I could just say what I want.

I wasn't trying to impress anyone.

I just, I like that feeling.

So if I was ever to be in relationship, which I won't be, but if...

that's how i want to feel i want to feel myself like how i feel with my sister with my girlfriends and so again that was the glimmer it was a feeling that i recognized it felt good it felt good to be me and i didn't have to pretend or do a show or you know as kids it was like oh please love me here's a show for you you know if i just did that enough you'll love me more but

But it is a way to get love when you're young.

And so anyway, I remembered the feeling and I thought, oh, if I was ever to be in a relationship, that's how I would like to feel.

And then it cut to a few years later.