Nicole

Yes, I can agree with what you're saying. Yeah. That's why I say I just wish my son would have just stayed in college. I hate this fame stuff.

I begged him when he called me. He says, Mom, I'm not going to stay in college. I'm going to do this making of the band. And I said, Q, you wasted my money. That was the first thing.

One semester. Five Towns College. One semester. I'm like, are you serious? My money's gone down the drain. Like, how are we going to pay this back? You know, we're already struggling to send you to Five Towns College. Very expensive. New York City? So, you know... Just to get that call. And he's like, Mom, I'm not going back to school. I'm going to do this fame stuff.

So I'm like, Q, please think about what you're doing. And then he called me back. And he said, I made the next round. And I made the next round.

I made the next round. And then when you go to it. I'm on the show. Then I made the band. I was very excited because even though I doubted him about moving forward with this, he did what he wanted to do and he accomplished it. And I was happy for him. Today, I don't feel so happy because I was hurt along the way about how my son was hurt. And you think that

You would think that you would be so happy for your child to make it as a celebrity because that's what they want it to be. And to be drug through the dirt the way all of this has played out. It's really terrible.

I couldn't protect him from his management. I couldn't protect him from Diddy. I couldn't protect him from Dawn. And it hurts. It hurts because my son was so vibrant. And a lot of times I still look at him today is how he even talks. It's different. Yeah. At 37. I know that something traumatic has happened to him because of just how he explains his things.

Aubrey, you know Q from being on the show. For you to say that there's a different Q today, it is. But you know what? I'm learning now that he's better. And I just thank God that I was able to come in it. be there to help save my son from whatever they were trying to do, take him down.

public's eye i can tell you i don't these people out here man they would chew you up and spit you out yes i'm not the one for it i'm i'm not the one for it i really am not that's why i try to stay out of it because i'm that one that mama that will get on the line when you say something that i know it's not true wait a minute what are you and i'm i'm commenting

I'm commenting and I know I shouldn't be, but I can't stand it because you don't know what you're talking about. But that's the thing. And that's why I've always tried to stay out of the media because social media. I could never be famous. I just couldn't do it because my mouth. You know what I mean? Exactly who needs to be famous.

So I'm kind of like, I feel like, Aubrey, I'm kind of like you. You can't say anything to me without me not responding because I don't care what position you have. You're not going to talk to me any kind of way. You're not going to degrade me in any kind of way without me responding. And I think that's why Q had me around a lot of times because I didn't play. I did not play. Screwface knew it.

his manager, and a lot of other people, his band members, they could say, now, that new album, Day Ones, I am definitely a Day One. Never went anywhere. And I'm here to stay. And anybody that's trying to take my family down or hurt any of my children, and if I have something to say about it, I'm there. I'm there.

Right.

What's crazy is then they laughed at him, his own bandmates. Oh, he's talking crazy. He doesn't know what he's saying. They were laughing at Q in the interview. However, what's interesting is that interview, they laughed at him. But the last interview on Vlad, everybody's crying.

Well, I felt some kind of way. I didn't feel some kind of way until, interesting, right? I felt some kind of way when the day that he was arrested, how Don came out then. Aha.

She that's when she came out that she was filing a lawsuit on him as well.

Yeah. Well, you know what I mean? That's that's when I really like.

I mean, for legal reasons as well, but I'm not, I'm having a mother's intuition and I'm sticking with that. And I'm going to, I'm going to respect that.

I think that people don't look at it like that just as much because if you just like I said, people, there are people out here that fame is what they want. They want to be famous. in the shoes of someone who has the money. They want that lifestyle. They want that fame.

That's what he was going through. We were trying to figure out what exactly was happening. But even before that, I don't know. Day 26 did an interview and all the guys were laughing. That was the very first when all this Diddy stuff came out. They did an interview and Q was in the back and he was saying, you know, people don't. I was I was saying something.

Even watching you guys on Danny McCain when all that stuff unfolded and you had the little person. Oh, well, Aubrey, we're just missing you. You can go to and you can go to. And I felt that that moment then I felt I just felt it. I just I don't just it's just crazy.

With Diddy?

I think that everybody that had a hand in everything that's going on.

Seriously, because I don't really see. I don't really know. I can only speak on what I've experienced around my child.

And let's be clear.

But this is the thing, and let's be clear. Q never had any intentions on suing anyone.

If I can only get an apology.

And I kept saying to myself, who in the hell wants an apology? I want you to pay for what you've done. If you had something to do with hurting and harming me. He asked for an apology.

Yeah. And he was he was talking then and people relate. People went back on that same interview and said he tried to tell y'all a long time ago.

I met Diddy one time.

Um, I can't really say nothing bad because I didn't meet him until after they made the band and there was a club appearance. It was an album release. It was an album release. I just know it was a club appearance or a little party, private party or something. And I met him that one time and just introduced, this is Q's mom. He just said, hey, Cassie was there.

But that was the last time that I've ever physically been around Diddy. I've never... So here's the last thing I want to ask. He was very quiet. He was very quiet. And I can't put anything on to how I felt at that time because I just knew it was Diddy. And just being in the room.

I would still travel with him when day 26 was out doing performances. And they would say, well, where's Q? I would go up to the hotel room in the room. He's in the shower sitting in the middle of the shower with the water just pouring like he was trying to get his thoughts and everything to happen.

It was very exciting for me. But let me just say this. I've been in the room with a lot of celebrities since then. And I'm the one that stands back. I never I can't even give you pictures of celebrities that. I've even been in the room with just traveling along with Q because I always wanted, I didn't want to, I didn't want to feel like I was a groupie. You know what I mean?

So, I mean, it's exciting. Most people be like, Oh, can I get a picture? You know, with you just as a moment, I've never been that type of person. So I can't even give you photos of people that I actually been around. Not even with you guys. I've never pressured you guys. And when day 26 was around, I've never said Aubrey or Andrea or, you know,

Even Dawn, even having my son and Dawn together was a powerful thing because back then they were DQ. Everybody loved them, you know, and I can't even remember really how many photos I have on hand with just my son and Dawn because I just never was that.

I just, I just, I'm not, this is the very first interview that I've ever done and had anything to say because I don't want people to think that, you know, oh, there's his mom again. You know what I mean? Or, you know, anything like, but this time I wanted to speak how I felt because I thought it was important.

Hi, Aubrey. My name is Nicole. I'm from Indiana. We've actually met a couple times in Chicago. I do have a question. I would just like to know what you went through in making the band because I have followed Danity Kane for years. And what are your emotional scars and trauma from this? And how do you heal from this? And I just want to thank you for covering this because the world needs to hear it.

I'm really big into lacrosse. I've been playing lacrosse my whole life. He was the one that always took me to my lacrosse games, my lacrosse practices.

There were riots in my town in 2020, and my dad was constantly out working. And during that time, I was really proud of him just because I saw the sacrifices that he was making.

It was a surprise when I saw my mom in that long dress. I remember like tearing up because when I was growing up, I never, ever saw my dad cry. And so he started like tearing up and, you know, his voice cracking a little bit when he was crying. Just talking about how the first time he proposed to my mom, it wasn't the best proposal.

And so this was a redo, he said, and he like got on one knee and gave my mom a new engagement ring. And so... I started tearing up because I never saw my dad kind of express his emotions like that.

She did look like a bride, so it was cool to see her all dolled up.

My name is Nicole. My mom was driving me up to school. It was my first semester of college, so... Me driving up my freshman year.

I really idolized my dad. I thought we had similar personalities. We had the same humor, same kind of confrontational style.

My dad did work nights for the majority of my life. And so most of the time I would only see him like during dinner time. I was kind of proud of that in a way because he was serving our community and I was really happy to see him and all of his cop friends and like spending most birthdays at the substation and all that.

I did maybe idolize him more than my mom, just because my mom was constant throughout my life. I wanted his connection just because he wasn't really there for a lot of the daily events with my brother and I. Joel's career was always the family's priority.

He brought that up to me. I never went to him and said, you should quit your job.

No, I told you that I was just as shocked as you. They came to me. I did not go to them and ask for your... Really?

You know, Dave, I really don't want to be rude, but everyone at work really likes me more than you. I reinstated Fun Fridays. You took that away. And everyone's really happy with the job that I'm doing right now. So I don't need you to yell at me, and especially on a radio show. I'm sorry that that happened, but from my perspective...

So I would say the majority of the things that we talked about. Had to do with work, and it was something that I couldn't talk to him about anymore.

Look, I feel really bad. You sound like you feel bad. Maybe if you're up for it, we could get together and have a coffee. That's good. You could give me some tips on the job since you've done it before.

Thank you. I don't know what else to say. This has been an interesting. You know what?

Hey.

Hey, it's me.

I'm sorry, what? Who's this?

Okay. Hi.

Good.

Yeah, I know. And thank you so much for doing that, by the way. That was really sweet. And I promise I'll never forget that.

Well, thank you so much for saying that.

You know, no, I wouldn't do that, and I don't think the supervisor would let you, so I feel like that's not the best.

I think there have been some changes in staff here, and That would be very awkward and uncomfortable.

Okay, well, I didn't know how to tell you this, but after you quit, they came to me, and they offered me a promotion, and it's to your job.

i mean so it was a bit hard for me to say no and you weren't there so i i took it off of course i wasn't there we agreed that i quit oh my god they were so into it who is this what's going on i'm not understand what's going on right now yeah it's kind of like a conference call yeah yeah

I'm sorry, I'm just so shocked. I didn't know that this was gonna happen. No, totally. It was a great opportunity to pass it up and you decided to quit and I took it.

Picked up the phone just to check my messages. And she said, you need to come home. The FBI is here. That's when I knew. It was that fast. I had nothing until I had that.

Hi, it's Nicole from the merch department, and I'd like to ask you a question. Where are you spending your holidays? Because it could be inside this sweatshirt. That's right. It's my favorite murder of holiday crows. These birds love the holidays, and now you will too.

So flock, don't walk, to the website, oops, sorry, our website, exactlyrightstore.com, and order your holiday crow sweatshirt today. Order soon, because once these puppies are gone, they'll be back never more.

And we're selling merch.

Okay.

End quote.

Nothing brings me back to my childhood like Magic Mind.

Tell me about it.

If the moon's here and it's there sometimes and we see it, then it can't be there.

Oh, my bad. Oh. I had no idea.

That was good, Andrew. I'm scared.

On this week's episode of Twilight.

Me?

Oh, there's bodies in the fridge. I don't know. That's him just cold as well.

Did you say Cavill?

My name's Henry Cavill.

Cavill. Henry Cavill.

I don't know if I do, but I will.

Oh, well, I'm surprised you I'm, I'm impressed that you admitted that to me. I really am. That's going to be interesting when I tell Nicole.

That's my Nicole.

Is it eating babies and drinking their blood? I don't think so. But I'll know. I mean, I'll know what they're up to.

Hello?

Hi, Nicole. This is Justin Welch from the Wisconsin DOT. Oh, hi. Well, I'm going to let you know something right now, right off the get-go. I'm under investigation by the FBI because I'm Bill's friend. They've been, yeah, they have the Wisconsin Division of Criminal Investigation, like, recording all my phone calls and stuff. sending everything to the states and all that stuff.

So I have the transcript. I just got them last month. I didn't know they were doing this until just last month. Anyway, so what do you want to know?

I don't care.

Yeah, I know what case you're talking about. Bill's adamantly saying he didn't do it. See, the Fed gave me like 15 people to pick from. And I went and talked to Bill about all of them. And Bill, out of 15, he picked eight of them. He remembered eight of them. So he's told me about lots of murders and murders.

told me about where the bodies were at and everything, and they still haven't even found them. So it's just, yeah, he would tell me because we're, he doesn't give a shit. Like, he doesn't care about that. That was 50 years ago. You know, he's just an old man now. He would have told me. He's been like, yeah, I did it, Dustin. Yeah, no, I know he didn't do it. He would have told me.

Do you ever think about how your life and your sister's life would have been different if this had never happened?

Was it fairly easy for you to track down both of those men?

And did their statements line up initially? No.

Hi, thank you for taking my phone call.

Cool. Um, so, uh, I want to know how do I let go of resentment that I feel toward my mother-in-law?

Well, you know, it's like to sum her up in one word, I guess I would say she's kind of like a bully. She starts fights with family and her coworkers often. She's disrespected boundaries that my husband and I have set for our kids. She tends to like ruin family events.

And vacations, if she has tantrums, like she'll have a tantrum if she doesn't get her way, if we don't want to go along with exactly what she wants to do. So part of me feels like I should just not let it bother me. And it didn't until I had kids. Now that I have kids, I feel like I can't let go of the bad behavior because I don't want it to influence my children. Yeah.

So a couple of years ago, we asked, my husband's family, everybody, my family too, but we asked everybody to not feed my kids like a specific thing because she was having some, some gut issues that we needed to figure out. And then it turns out my mother-in-law was feeding her that particular thing. And it really upset me.

And then when I talked to her about it, she like screamed at me and yelled at me and said, Oh, other people feed her this stuff, which is not true. She was just trying to deflect, I guess, um, And, like, we've also asked her to not buy our kids as many toys because every time we see her, she's always buying stuff for the kids.

We have three kids, and we live in a very small space, and we don't have the room for it. So things like that, like, she just, for some reason, wants to do what she wants to do.

How do I let go of resentment that I feel for my mother-in-law?

Question. Good question. They're close, but I think... The closeness is more like guilt as opposed to I really want to spend time with my mom. She's single. She's been married multiple times. And I think between him and his sister, they kind of feel like they have to be responsible for taking care of her emotionally, maybe.

I probably am.

They talk a lot, but a lot of the, a lot of the conversation is initiated by her. They talk almost every single day, text message, phone calls, sometimes multiple times a day. And that kind of, it shouldn't annoy me, but it annoys me only because I feel like she doesn't have any other, like really like friendships or anything or anybody else to rely on. So she's,

It seems like she's relying heavily on my husband for like, I don't know, male companionship, which sounds kind of gross, but that's what it feels like.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes, thank you.

Unlike me.

Anyway, hey, there's something over your shoulder, though, that keeps catching my eye. What is that new shiny thing?

But you know what we really need to do? What we need to do is we need to thank all million of those people. Dude. Because they're amazing.

We might ought to do that anyway.

That is sacrilege.

That's far more likely than any Raiders tattoo.

You're not wrong.

Of course.

I'm sure of it.

That's right. You're completely right.

Um, they, in the past, past, like a long time ago when we first started having these conversations, it didn't really go so well.

Um, tell me about it. I think it's because I'm probably the first person that's really pushed back against her. Everyone else kind of accepts the behavior as well. That's just who she is. And that's just what she does.

He has supported that and he agrees. He sees it more now. It has taken him some time, but he does, he sees it more now. So he has gotten better at, you know, sort of, I guess,

maintaining the boundaries but there's still sometimes where you know he'll say mom wants us to come over for dinner and I'll say and I'll roll my eyes and then he'll get kind of upset about that and I'll say you know I just don't really want to hang out with your mom or and you know sometimes there's like a little bit of an argument there but I think for the most part he has done a better job of of protecting me and the kids and I'll say he hasn't because he still brings to you

Sometimes. Yes.

Yeah, I do go along a lot with what he wants to do.

Yeah, you're right.

Uh, I, I think he would agree with me, but I also think that that might not hold over time. You know, they tend to, his family I've noticed tends to like, they'll forget about things over time. And I'm afraid that this would be one of those things potentially.

And I'm afraid that she's going to start doing that to my children.

I know.

Yeah, it's disappointing.

Hi, Dr. John. I feel so grateful to be talking to you today. I feel grateful to talk to you.

I am calling because... I cannot seem to move past the anxiety I feel after witnessing, uh, my neighbor, uh, take his own life.

Um, so it was, it was a weird situation. Um, My family was packing up to go to an outdoor movie that our town was putting on at the time. And we had just moved there. And so I didn't even know him. But I had run inside to get a blanket. And as I was inside, I heard some commotions and yelling and a pop. And I immediately knew it was a gunshot.

And I ran outside and my little boy had actually seen the whole thing. He said, that guy shot him, that guy shot him. And so I had just seen a man laying on the ground and I didn't even bother to close the front door. We all just hopped in the car and left. And so for about 15 minutes, I thought it was a murder. And the police came with no sirens.

The ambulance came with no sirens and I was so confused. And they'd let me know that it was actually a suicide situation. And so I got myself and my son into therapy right after that. My other kids didn't really see it, but we didn't think that they needed therapy and they're doing fine. But my son has since graduated therapy, but I can't seem to get past it.

His name was Jeremy.

I mean, I haven't fully written him a letter, but I haven't.

i feel like every coping mechanism i've like been given is just kind of not getting me far enough yeah i know and so it's like these like the five four three two one stuff is just like those are band-aids yeah we're not doing band-aids we're going right through it we're gonna go talk to jeremy via letter okay i'm not avoiding the conversation anymore

We just... My marriage is great. We just moved. We move a lot. And so, I mean, I have friends all over the country at this point. Just not here.

Yeah.

Hi, Dr. John. How are you?

Yeah, of course. I'm doing great.

So I live with my brother. Awesome. Yep. I'm 24. He's 21. Gross. Yes. So how do I manage that he has a higher tolerance to filth than I do? And how can I avoid holding... I know, yeah. How can I avoid holding resentment towards my mom for raising us differently?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Higher tolerance to bills. Yeah. Well, I just think he knows that like, if he doesn't take care of it for long enough, that I eventually will get sick of it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh goodness. Really?

Instead of cleaning them?

But didn't you have to clean them after you got the donated ones?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I think it's true that he doesn't notice it, but that's just frustrating for me because I feel like I'll ask him to do something and then he outright refused. And he'll say, because I didn't say please, but I'll say to him, like, how many times have I done it without being asked? And I don't get a thank you.

Yeah, I mean, it's just, you know, he still calls my mom up, and she'll say that I'm being mean to him.

Well, because we don't live with her, and I don't see why he has to call her, but I guess, you know, she's taken his side. A little mama's boy. Yeah.

Well, okay, so he was... It's a long story. My stepdad and him kind of butted heads, and not because he was trying to do anything wrong, but because he's a bit more of a controlling guy, my stepdad. And I was always fine with him.

He didn't have a problem with me because I kind of read the room and understood my place in the household and just cleaned up after myself, stayed in my room, kind of did my own thing until I was able to move out.

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, that's why we had to move out because he essentially told us both at the same time that we had to go because he really wanted my brother out. So my brother couldn't afford the rent on his own, which is why I kind of stepped in and said.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I do worry about that a lot.

No.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hi.

I'm doing great. Better than I actually have been in a very, very long time.

I actually agree.

Well, my original question is what should I expect with rebuilding my marriage? And if you want me to, I'll jump into some backstory, but yeah.

Okay. Well, me and my husband have been married for 10 years. And in the last five years, I've been struggling with depression unknowingly. I could only focus on keeping me and my three boys alive and none of the house chores were getting done at all. And my husband loves a clean house. He and I have had several conversations about it and all ending with

Me saying, I'll do better, I'll do better, I'll do better. And every time, better would last for a week at the most and fall off. His trust is very low right now, and I don't blame him for that. And he told me last month that he had actually been considering leaving me several times, but didn't see the logical way of doing it.

I've been in counseling, and God has been helping me for the last three months, healing and growing and changing for the better. In listening to your show, I was able to ask him to rebuild a new marriage with me, and he was on board. We are a month into rebuilding, and I'm three months into counseling and change. I'm wondering...

what to expect with him needing to rebuild trust with me and how do I practice slowing my role when I just want to get to the good part?

Well, just for a really long time, I have, with struggling with depression unknowingly, it feels like, um, it feels like I have kind of like the best analogy I can figure out is like a three-part Christmas tree. And when you don't have one plugged in, the rest of the lights don't work. And that's just kind of what it's been feeling like where mind, body, and spirit are not plugged in together. Um,

But in the last three months, it's felt like mind, body, and spirit finally plugged in. And I can actually put mind, body, and spirit together. I can get house chores done. Literally, my house is cleaner than it's ever been in 10 years of being married. And it feels so good. It feels like a giant weight off my shoulder. Yeah. I can see it in my husband.

I could see it in my kids that we're all feeling better because of it. So it's just kind of like this moment. But then it's like, after he told me last month that he had been considering leaving, I was like, Oh, whoa, this is a lot serious. This is a lot more serious than I thought it was.

It can make me emotional, John.

Yeah, and I say depression because I was never really clinically diagnosed, but I could see the patterns, and my dad actually struggled with depression, but he didn't ever tell me or my brother that it was depression. So it was just really angry around the house, and you just kind of thought he was just a really mad person.

Definitely.

Yeah, 100%. And my mom really wasn't a great person either. She would rather go to work than be home.

Yeah, kind of. I mean, I definitely believe that my husband was given to me by God because of other circumstances that we don't have time to go into. But

Yeah, I can see that.

And he told me even last night that he thought that marriage was the next thing to check off in his box. So, yeah, we kind of both did it.

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, I've definitely thought that at certain points.

Yeah, because it was like I could only, I would do fine at other people's houses and I could like even help my in-laws clean their house, help my sister-in-law clean her house.

You know how long I've been telling myself that?

Yeah.

And I think we're finally there.

Yeah.

It kind of feels like it already has.

You just hit another button.

Yeah.

Yes, definitely, 100%. And I've kind of told him. We've kind of had those discussions and those realizations.

Yeah. And we did. We even... Because I watched your show, I was like, okay... I'm ready to rebuild this thing. So we're going to have a talk and we're going to have, we're going to sit down and we're going to talk about what we want. And then we're going to come back to it in three months and see if that's changed or not.

Okay.

Oh, it's not him hassling me. It's me hassling him. Okay. Fair enough, fair enough.

And I hate being cold.

It's the worst.

That's typically what we do.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've been wanting something different for a while too.

Yeah, I've done a lot of that.

I haven't felt like that in a while.

I kind of did that last night. Cause I had always had this nagging thought in the back of my head. And I was like, I just need to put this to bed. So kind of did a little bit, but not all of it.

Oh, it's nothing like that. He's, He's 100% loyal to me. It's more like an old fling that I was like, I don't know if I fully got the true story for that.

Hi, Dr. John. I can't believe I'm talking to you. I can't believe I'm talking to you. This is amazing.

Well, I'll go ahead and get started with my question, and then I'll give you a little bit of background information.

All right. Am I wrong to feel upset about unequal treatment at work, and should I confront my management, quit, or let it go?

And a little side note on this one is I work for my husband's family.

It's great, actually. We've been, like, it's honestly probably strengthened it, if anything.

He is kind of in the same boat I am. Not really sure. I think that I'm kind of thinking we're kind of both thinking maybe we should talk to them about it, but also we're not really sure if it's our place. So I'll kind of give you some background information and you can see what you think.

So I have worked for this company since 2020, right after I had my first baby. And then since then, I'm still working for the company. And since then, I have had two more babies, one in 2022 and one in 2023.

Yes. Oh, it's crazy. That's three kids under five? Yes, sir, I do. And they're all boys. Yes. Yep.

So recently, my sister-in-law, who also works at the company, she had a baby. And I found out as she came back to work, she was paid her full wages during her time off. And she has also been allowed to work from home. Now, I was not paid anything during my maternity leave either time.

The second time in particular is the one I guess I'm a little more focused on because I left that into that maternity leave. I was working full time at the time. And when I went to go back to work, I had also asked to work from home and I was told that I couldn't. So finding this out, my feelings have been a little hurt.

And I just felt like maybe I'm not as appreciated in the office as I once thought I was. I've always worked really, really hard for them. And they've said that I'm, you know, they've always told me I'm a great worker. And so I've just been a little confused about how to go forward with this information.

Um, I mean, we both are kind of not like that, I guess.

Yeah, yes, it's his sister, yeah.

Yeah, it's pretty upsetting for both of us. No! It should be upsetting for you. It is upsetting for me. I was very upset to find out about it. I was pretty furious that day and I thought about just storming out, and then I was like, I'm going to take some time, go home and talk.

Well, I'm trying not to be an impulsive baby. I know.

I tried to take my time and just think about.

So he actually recently, about six months ago, became a police officer. So he doesn't work there anymore, but he was up until that point.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yes.

Right.

Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Um, no, honestly, I don't, um, I don't make a ton. I work pretty part-time hours, um, since having my third, especially, uh, just cause I don't have a ton of childcare options and it's kind of, it's not a like super high paying job, so it wouldn't really cover the cost of childcare.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I am a little sometimes.

Yeah.

Yeah, I agree.

Yes, that's totally fair.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I can definitely talk to him about this and tell him the truth for sure.

Yeah, 100%.

I know it is. It's, it stinks too. The job has honestly been one that I've enjoyed. Um, but at the same time, I'm, I'm home with my kids a lot and it makes me happy to be home with my kids. So I'm kind of looking forward to that. Just being my full, my, you know, have my full attention for a while.

No.

Yes. I think he would say that.

Sure. So we have about $100,000 in cash, which includes our emergency fund. We have retirement funds that are worth about $2.8 million. We have mutual funds, which includes a college fund for our son and a small charitable trust that we recently started. That's worth about $500,000. Okay.

We have paid for real estate, including rental property worth about 2.2, 2.3, depending on how you measure it. We have some passive business investments worth about $500,000. And then other assets, a couple of cars and some collections and things that make up the rest. Good for you. How old are you guys? Well, I'm 54. And I'm 42. Okay, cool.

We inherited about $70,000 from my parents when they passed away about four or five years ago.

So our best year, we were a little north of a million dollars. Our worst year is probably right now. Neither one of us is working at the moment. Dan was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. So we decided that we had the ability to step back and focus on that and focus on each other. So we did. But I'd say, you know, our entry level, you know, my entry level is probably around 30,000 a year.

And Dan's was about 40.

About 70 was where we started, yeah.

I started as an accountant and then became a consultant and ultimately just an executive. Dan, you want to talk about your background?

It's a 2022. Okay.

Yeah. Well, I'll tell you, we've been big fans of the Ramsey show and Dan went through financial peace when he was in the military. But we've only decided to call in now for that reason, because we did want to share that. I mean, you know, when we paid off our house a few years ago, that felt amazing.

And the freedom that we had then to really, you know, do some things that were a little more risky and, so that we could create even more wealth at that point was incredible. But it's kind of nothing compared to the freedom to say, okay, we know exactly where our money is. We know exactly what we need to have coming in every month. to be able to sustain ourselves.

And we don't have a bunch of debt hanging over our heads and big payments on things. We can actually choose to spend this time together and to fight this battle together. It wasn't even a second thought. We just made that decision and moved forward.

Yeah, 100%. And you don't even think about it. It's incredible. You didn't even think about it. No, didn't even think about it.

Yeah.

I'm sure Dan has some other thoughts about the freedom and the security.

Hi, I'm good. How are you?

Well, I'm so grateful to actually get to speak to both of you, especially another working mom. I'm concerned with whether or not I would be harming my family's financial future if I take an extended maternity leave with my second child. I didn't take that with my first child, and I've had a lot of regret about that. And my husband and I are considering whether or not

I could take a year or two off of work. If I did, we wouldn't be able to put as much toward our debt snowball as we have. We've paid off about $217,000 in 2020. What are you doing, Nicole? I'm an attorney.

Net take-home for both of us. No, I said what do you make? I think my net take-home is $120,000.

His is about maybe 60, I think. No, it was 70 last year. His net was 70.

Okay.

And then we would still have $86,000 of my student loan left. It's our only debt besides our mortgage that we still have left to pay on, but we've been paying on it. Um, and so. It's going to set us back. We'll be able to make the minimum payments and maybe a little bit more, um, with distributions, but maybe inconsistently.

And, um, I guess I'm just, I'm concerned because we started a family later in life. Uh, we'll both be in our early forties by the time I wanted to go back to work. And so obviously having that debt and then having not invested that long, I'm just concerned this is going to cause harm long term.

Nico.

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excellence excellence what it's all about that's right excellence in the ordinary it's a it's a ramsey value uh nicole is joining us now in sacramento california nicole how can we help hi thank you for taking my call i was calling because i needed some advice on far as what i should do next little backstory last year my mom handed me a capital one card and No explanation, nothing about it.

I threw the card in the closet, didn't think about it. A few weeks ago, you guys had on the caller asking about a friend wanting to be an author's user on a card, and neither host at the time was a fan of that. my eyes immediately.

No, no, no, I'm not. I'm not. I'm sorry about that. But I pulled my credit report to find that this account was on my credit report. I called the credit card company and asked them to remove me as an authorized user. And they said that that would take about two days But now I need to know what I need to do next because I want this off of my credit report.

Maybe about two to three weeks.

Oh, okay, okay.

It was just the one card, and I don't know if it even matters with it being a FICO score there, because I've never had a credit card. I have never applied for any credit whatsoever, so that's why I didn't understand the authorized user thing and why...

that was even done and then to see that on my credit report it's like it it yeah that would bother me too if someone did that behind my back that's not cool have you talked to your to your mother about this i have not had uh the converse the conversation yet because that was um an immediate headache and kind of you know yeah well you called us so i figure you're trying to avoid this conversation do you think it's not going to go well

I just, yeah, I guess. I don't know. I don't think it won't go well. It's like I just kind of am annoyed that I even have to deal with it.

It's not that she's going to be angry. It was just so out of the blue. How old are you? I'm 30.

Yeah, there's no reason to be worried about me. I've never had issues with money. It's like I hang on to my money.

Hey, I was just trying to see if you guys could help me undo the mess that I'm in. I don't know if I'm cursed or what, but I'm in a lot of debt and I'm a single mom and I'm be close to retirement age shortly. And I just, I don't know what to do.

Okay. So last year, my goal was to own a home and I know about debt to income ratio. And my highest debt would have been my car note, which was $772,000. Long story short with that, I end up making a bad deal, end up at 615 still, but no gap insurance. Since then, the job that I had, I have now lost. I have a new job, but it's $3,800 less. That's a lot. It is. Per month less? Yes. Yes.

And I'm struggling right now. I'm close to addiction. I'm about to, I'm close to about to lose my car.

I'm averaging about $1,200 to $1,400 a month. Barely making it. Oh man.

My rent right now is 980, but it's behind and I'm close to eviction. So it's about 2,700 plus a 350 fee for their attorney fees. It's crazy.

I was still a barber. I was working at another barber shop, and I was let go.

I had more clients. I was still on the low end, but I was still making weekly pay. This is only... Every two weeks, and I'm averaging about $500 every two weeks, or a little over.

So it's basically 50% commission or $12 an hour, whichever the greater of the two.

Right. So what I did was what I was doing the first when I first started there, I was like, this makes no sense. I can do lift rides, right? Yeah. To make up the short. But now my car is breaking down and it's still not enough. Lift rides sometimes are not as great.

as it was when i started right um so it so it's it's it's not it's it's not coming in i tried to get an uh been applying for other jobs like what nothing is coming through like i'm great at customer service and things like that i love barbering okay um i i really do love it but i was trying to get an additional job like work at amazon at night and it's hard to work at amazon at night

Six years ago, I lost one of my kids and my other children were there. And so what's happening is I have to kind of be at home with my younger daughter because she's feeling the repercussions of all of that. She's got a lot of mental issues, you know, going on trauma stuff we've got, we've gone through. So I can't really leave her at night and it's hard.

And that's the other reason why I've also lost jobs because I have to stop and go to school and it's heartbreaking. I really wish that I could get a job that was financially stable where I could be at my child's disposal. You know, I just put one through college. I just dropped her off at MTSU and I,

Thank God she had a lot of scholarships, but I still have to pay a small amount for the next three months. That's right. I don't know where it's going to come from. Well, let's look at this.

No, I don't. I don't do that part anymore. I can do women's hair, but I love I love cutting me.

And what do you owe on it? It's a 2022 Volkswagen Tiguan. I owe about $29,000 since it went up. I was at $26,000, but since I refinanced, it's back up to $29,000.

It's costing me $615 a month, yes ma'am.

I have an $8,000 signature loan. Okay. Okay. Um, I have some student loans, uh, which I got to try to figure out how to get back because I was in a settlement. And for some reason, just tell me, just tell me how much they are for the sake of the call. It's like 6,000, $60,000. 60,000 back on. Yes. It's 60 K. Okay. And they're federal. It's not supposed to be on there. They're federal.

Uh, they're federal loans. Yeah. It was, it was a one in a,

No, just a $400 credit card that I was paying.

Hi, I'm doing well. How are you?

Well, I have a question. We are on baby step number two, but we're just beginning. We've really just gotten our $1,000 emergency fund. And so my husband and I are in our 50s and just starting on all of this. There's a little bit of a journey that came before this that meant we were just getting started now.

Excuse me, on what we're learning from you. but blessed in many ways. So the question though is that now we have our every dollar budget and really what it looks like is we need more income. And so what I'm wondering is, I'm a homeschool mom and I have two, my two youngest are still in school, nine and 11 years old.

And so getting an outside job is not really something that I would like to do unless I could work it around what I'm doing with them. But I have found a resource where I could possibly get a certification that would allow a significant amount of income that would work around our home life and homeschool. But it costs $10,000 and I don't have that.

So is there ever a time that it makes sense to try to finance, you know, some kind of education or a gaining of a qualification that would give you the opportunity to increase your income? Or is that always a hard no?

About $75. He brings home about $75. Okay.

Not counting the house, we have about $65. Okay. Well, let's see. Let me look at this notes. I'm right before I called you 35 on our vehicles, 45 and personal debt and about 4,000 in medical bills. And so our every dollar budget covers payments on all those things.

So we would eventually, you know, get there, but we just don't, we don't have the insurance and we don't, you know, in our fifties, I'm starting to see things that give me concerns for the future. And so just wondering how we could, you know, make some significant progress.

We have one van and one motorcycle.

It is our minivan, yes.

I do not know. It's new.

Yes.

I think it was, yeah, I think it was 13. I'm pretty sure we're upside down on that one.

Yes. So would you just stay with the one vehicle?

Right.

No, it was actually when my, when my now 18 year old was looking for a vehicle, my husband sold him his car. And then to replace his car, we looked at, you know, what some motorcycles are less expensive than cars. This one didn't happen to be, but that was, that was what started.

No, no. I mean, we have, Oh, you mean? Yes. Yes. There is auto insurance, of course. I'm talking about health insurance. Yes.

The latter. Yes. He's driving a motorcycle with no health insurance. He does have life insurance.

I really do.

Yeah.

Well, you might. You might. I don't. We're trying a new approach because, well, I say new when I come to you guys, because we have heard of Dave Ramsey and known of some of the resources, even use them in our homeschool, and our children are doing well. But we have struggled to be on the same page financially for quite some time.

And now we're making progress in that area, so I'm really glad we've got the $1,000.

Right.

We see things pretty differently, but we're getting there. And so improvement is good, but I'm just not sure about how we go from where we are. if we need more income.

Morning, guys. How you doing? What's up?

All right. So I know we talk about that a lot. I'm doing that right now. I did the first baby step, but that's been done for like years. And you talk about debt and getting rid of it. And I fully understand that. But my question was, there's a few like between you, Graham Norton and a couple other people that talk about like, just don't have a credit card in general.

How can you not have a credit card, but build enough credit to eventually buy a house?

We do. We have the basic version.

Um, it has shined a light on where we're spending the most money.

Hey, thanks for taking my call. I was calling because me and my husband, we've been working with steps for about a year and a half. And we're constantly going in a cycle of between baby step and one and two. And a lot of it's medical debt that keeps piling on us that doesn't allow us to move any forward. And I just, I don't know, is there any advice or any help how to like keep on going.

I don't know what you're just kind of losing some faith here.

It's kind of both of us. Um, my husband's on the spectrum and he, you know, he's, he's bipolar anxiety and ADHD. And so he's a psychiatrist and has medicine every month. And, um, and then I, I got us in debt with the cell. We tried IVF and it didn't work.

So, um, and then I had long-term COVID and so my heart rate would do some things where it just dropped and they never could figure out like a name for it or anything, but it was just some effect from COVID. Okay.

Yes.

Yes.

It does. Yes, it does.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're both working full-time. We probably bring home about $5,500 a week. I mean, I'm sorry, a month.

He works as a welder, and I work as an auditor for a car company.

Hey, how are y'all doing? Good.

My question today is very simple, kind of. Whether my husband and I should move from apartments or not.

Um... Basically, there's just lack of peace in our life right now, and so we're trying to strive towards peace. That was pretty vague.

What's causing the lack of peace? So just to give you a little bit of a background, right now we are at an apartment that we've been in for four years that costs about $800 a month. It is all included. It even has a storage unit downstairs. all utilities, everything. Sounds great. And it has allowed us to get debt free. We have our emergency fund.

We've even saved for school for my husband and I to both go to get our master's degree in pursuit of also more peace. And we are now in the process of saving for a down payment. And the problem is our landlord. We have been having a little bit of a conflict. conflict, so his communication skills are very, very poor. What's the nature of the conflict?

Well, things like our toilet broke recently, and he told us, I'm sure y'all can figure it out. Y'all have a blessed day. Stuff like that.

Okay. Yeah, and we also don't have a contract with him, so things can change at any moment's notice. Things like the washer and dryer, the apartment doesn't come with a hookup, and so we have to use his dryer and washer. And every time we need to use it, we have to ask if it's available. Did this recently change?

I think it's gotten more, I think the boundaries between professional and personal have kind of blurred to where because there's not a contract, there's not really a line as to what he will take care of or what we are taking care of. Was there before? A line?

No, no, sir, there wasn't.

Yeah, no.

Yes, it has. And we've confronted him. I had a conversation recently with him about it, and it doesn't seem to have changed at all. Now, the scary part here is that we are looking at moving at other apartments, and we found an apartment that is connected to the school that I'm going to be with. It is about $1,300, about $1,300 to $1,400 a month.

And so that is calculating within the two years that I'm going to be in school.

Um, we make, it fluctuates because my husband has a contract, he's a contract rescue technician, rope rescue technician. And so it goes between 80 to 170. Um, but we have already chosen that we're going to go part-time here at the end of April also for peace because he travels a lot for work. And for long expended periods of time.

We have decided that we're going to work just enough to pay for bills and put a little bit of a pause on saving for a down payment until we find another job.

We're thinking about $50,000. From $170,000.

No, no. And we are open to him continuing to work. But the only difference would be that he has more of an option to say when he can go and when he can't.

I guess the question is, is it worth spending more money and not putting $12,000 in the down payment, which is what we would not be saving? Or do we just put up with it for two more years?

Right. Okay.

No.

I didn't take it as her being suicidal. I just took it to mean that if she passed away from COVID, she was at peace with it because she would be with Tom. Not that she was actively licking doorknobs and trying to get COVID so that she could pass away. I took it that she was good either way. And I feel like... I feel like that was true Talena fashion. You know, well, if I die, I die.

There's not much I can do about it. And if I live, I'll hug you again.

They were like, well, why isn't there a missing poster? And I thought, well, why isn't there? And so we put together a missing poster immediately, you know, after that and a post that we could share. Being in marketing, I kicked it up. You know, I contacted a friend who has a friend that's a producer of Dateline. We started missing videos. We put together all kinds of things.

We put together a team in Wagner to do a vigil. We never let them forget the name of Talena.

There were some people with good intentions and some people who I questioned their intentions.

For her to just leave people with no way of contacting her and knowing if she was alive or dead was strange to me.

Of course, she missed him greatly and missed their life together. She was dealing with it with grace and moving on with her life the best she could. She had told me that she had taken in a roommate and that was mostly more for having someone around than necessity.