Nigel Brennan

And afterwards, there was lots of high fives within the group.

They were really excited that we'd become Muslim.

And it was like, okay, now you're Muslim.

And it's just like, okay, well...

what does that mean?

And they're like, well, you've got to pray, you obviously have to wash, all of those things, which, not that they really taught us how to do those things, but there was this expectation now as a Muslim man and a Muslim woman that we would have to

basically pray five times a day and and do all of the things like fasting when Ramadan and those sort of when those things came around but it was the day after we had converted I got to speak to my sister Nick back in Australia so I think it was day 11 I got to speak to Nick so I was informed that I'd be talking to my sister I was told to write a script of what they wanted me to say you know I was brought a phone with a couple of guys sitting around me pointing guns at me um

just to ensure that I didn't go off script and to hear my sister's voice was both beautiful and heartbreaking because I knew that I was causing so much trauma for them as well.

That's where the guilt and shame started to kick in.

It's just like,

You're a muppet.

You really didn't think about the consequences of your actions at all and what that meant for your family by going into Somalia and being kidnapped.

Not that I ever thought that I would get kidnapped.

That wasn't even in my thought going into Somalia.

But I think with that guilt and shame comes a form of depression too.

It's hard not to head into the darkness.

and think the worst thing of, I'm going to end up here dying, I'm going to end up financially destroying my parents.

You know, even having ethical dilemmas of, do I want my family to pay a ransom?

I'm 35 years old.

I've had a pretty good run.