Nir Eyal

And by the way, if this doesn't resonate with your mother, you know, this is a business podcast, think about it with your employees, your boss, your coworkers.

You can do this with any relationship or any challenge for that matter.

So the third question is, who do I become when I hold onto this belief?

When I believe that my mother is too judgmental and hard to please, I'm short-tempered, I'm not very kind, and frankly, I'm not myself, right?

I regretted what I said to her.

Now the fourth question, who would I be without that belief?

Well, if I had a magic wand and I could tap my brain and all of a sudden this belief would dissolve, I'd probably be nicer.

I'd be more myself.

I wouldn't be embarrassed by something I said and later regretted.

So what we establish with just four questions is that that belief may not be true, it wasn't serving me, and I would be better without it.

So now it cracks open a possibility.

Because remember, our immune system, our psychological immune system, hates changing our beliefs.

And the beliefs that we think we are most certain about, particularly about other people, that's just the way they are, those are the beliefs we most need to examine.

Or even more so, beliefs about ourselves.

Those are the really, really hard ones to change.

And if you feel resistance, if you say, well, no, that's not something I want to evaluate, I don't want to think differently, that's probably the beliefs you need to be most conscious of, that you most need to explore.

So now we do a turnaround.

A turnaround, the idea behind a turnaround is not to change your beliefs.

Not to change your beliefs.

To collect a portfolio of perspectives.