Nir Eyal

But thankfully at that point, I knew enough about what the psychology literature says about venting, that venting does nothing but reinforce this effigy that we've built about people.

That just as we don't see reality clearly, we don't see others as they are.

We see our beliefs about people.

We don't see them as they are.

And especially the people we know best.

I don't know if you, I have this experience where I have many friends who are the nicest people to me.

And yet when they introduce me to their family and I'm around their kids and their spouse for a few minutes,

They treat them horribly.

They're not nice to the people closest to them in their lives.

I think many of us, we treat the people who we love most the worst because we know them, we've seen them.

She always does that.

That's so like her.

There she goes again, right?

We have these beliefs that color literally how we see other people.

And it can work both ways, positive and negative.

I remember, you know, the first time I saw my wife across the room, I thought she was okay.

She was good looking.

Now I think she's gorgeous.

After 25 years of marriage, she's the most beautiful person in the world.

Like physically, I see her differently than I ever did before.