Nir Eyal
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
That after I spent all this time and money doing something and it didn't work out, I felt like I was incompetent, like I had messed up, like it was my fault.
And this is what we call a misattribution of emotion.
When we feel bad inside, we look for the first person that we can take it out on.
And that's exactly what I did.
But really, I was feeling bad about something that I was judging myself for.
So now, which one of those four beliefs is true?
Which is false?
All of them?
None of them?
Who cares?
Beliefs are tools, not truths.
So what I could do with that is realize that that first belief, my mother is too judgmental and hard to please, only one way out.
She had to change so I could stop suffering.
If you hold your breath waiting for people to change, you're going to suffocate.
And even if she was wrong, why am I the dummy waiting for her to change?
So I can prove to her for a fact she was being too judgmental.
So what?
So what?
Wouldn't help anything anyway.
Exactly.