Ocean Vuong

And I think about that, like, you have these epiphanies when you're kind of in a helpless state.

I have this particular one and I didn't, I just felt, it felt kind of crazy, but I start asking my friends about it and a lot of them actually share it. And it's usually in the middle of the night. I can't sleep. I wake up in a kind of terror. It's almost like this moment before a true awareness arrives. There's about like a 15 second window of, oh my God, What is all this?

I have this particular one and I didn't, I just felt, it felt kind of crazy, but I start asking my friends about it and a lot of them actually share it. And it's usually in the middle of the night. I can't sleep. I wake up in a kind of terror. It's almost like this moment before a true awareness arrives. There's about like a 15 second window of, oh my God, What is all this?

And what fills that is this kind of horror that none of it matters. We're all going to die. Why am I here? Why am I sitting in this apartment scribbling away when I should be trying to be a better partner? I want to apologize to everybody I've ever known. I want to redeem myself for everything. And I'm going to commit my life to trying to heal and help everybody I love.

And what fills that is this kind of horror that none of it matters. We're all going to die. Why am I here? Why am I sitting in this apartment scribbling away when I should be trying to be a better partner? I want to apologize to everybody I've ever known. I want to redeem myself for everything. And I'm going to commit my life to trying to heal and help everybody I love.

And that lasts maybe like three minutes. And then I pick up my phone and scroll on something. And then the culture just supplants it all. And so the trick of satari is to commit that realization into action. And I have a lot of trouble doing in the second assignment.

And that lasts maybe like three minutes. And then I pick up my phone and scroll on something. And then the culture just supplants it all. And so the trick of satari is to commit that realization into action. And I have a lot of trouble doing in the second assignment.

But that strange existential horror, I think maybe because when my mother was on her deathbed, she said, son, now that you know how painful this is, you have to go and help people. And it was like a mandate. But I just thought, gosh, here's a woman taking her last breath. You know, she's not like, I don't want to romanticize her and make her some sort of martyr. But where did that come from?

But that strange existential horror, I think maybe because when my mother was on her deathbed, she said, son, now that you know how painful this is, you have to go and help people. And it was like a mandate. But I just thought, gosh, here's a woman taking her last breath. You know, she's not like, I don't want to romanticize her and make her some sort of martyr. But where did that come from?

You know, this idea that you have to then tell your son to go help people. You know, here we go again. You know, I just like. I'm still trying to find out all the ways that I could do that. You can't just make your art for yourself in a vacuum. I mean, there's diaries and journals for that. Nothing wrong with that. But when you make art to share, you have to think... How can I be amongst people?

You know, this idea that you have to then tell your son to go help people. You know, here we go again. You know, I just like. I'm still trying to find out all the ways that I could do that. You can't just make your art for yourself in a vacuum. I mean, there's diaries and journals for that. Nothing wrong with that. But when you make art to share, you have to think... How can I be amongst people?

You know, my favorite theorist, Trinity Minha, said it best when she said, I do not write about, I write beside. Gosh, that's so perfect. If I could do that my whole life, I would have a successful life as an artist, regardless of what happens. I never think I'm writing about something. I don't want to, like, render the people around me into a meaningful nugget. I want to just scribble alongside.

You know, my favorite theorist, Trinity Minha, said it best when she said, I do not write about, I write beside. Gosh, that's so perfect. If I could do that my whole life, I would have a successful life as an artist, regardless of what happens. I never think I'm writing about something. I don't want to, like, render the people around me into a meaningful nugget. I want to just scribble alongside.

That feels truer.

That feels truer.