Patric Gagne

It was the belief system that if I didn't do something to jolt myself out of apathy, that I would be outed and I wouldn't be able to live my life the way that I wanted to live it. I was very aware of rules. I was very aware of right and wrong. I understood that the perks of society were only granted to those who acted the way they were quote unquote supposed to.

It was the belief system that if I didn't do something to jolt myself out of apathy, that I would be outed and I wouldn't be able to live my life the way that I wanted to live it. I was very aware of rules. I was very aware of right and wrong. I understood that the perks of society were only granted to those who acted the way they were quote unquote supposed to.

And I understood that I had to do that. So when I would feel this apathy start to rise or start to sort of just settle in, I would feel an almost immediate... compulsion to act out. And I can't explain it. I can now, but as a kid, I couldn't explain it other than I would just feel compelled to act out destructively. And there were lots of ways that I did this. I would steal.

And I understood that I had to do that. So when I would feel this apathy start to rise or start to sort of just settle in, I would feel an almost immediate... compulsion to act out. And I can't explain it. I can now, but as a kid, I couldn't explain it other than I would just feel compelled to act out destructively. And there were lots of ways that I did this. I would steal.

And I understood that I had to do that. So when I would feel this apathy start to rise or start to sort of just settle in, I would feel an almost immediate... compulsion to act out. And I can't explain it. I can now, but as a kid, I couldn't explain it other than I would just feel compelled to act out destructively. And there were lots of ways that I did this. I would steal.

I remember stealing backpacks was something that was very easy for me. And again, it wasn't the acquisition. It was the action. I never wanted these things.

I remember stealing backpacks was something that was very easy for me. And again, it wasn't the acquisition. It was the action. I never wanted these things.

I remember stealing backpacks was something that was very easy for me. And again, it wasn't the acquisition. It was the action. I never wanted these things.

I would act out just minor indiscretions to the extent that I would capitalize on any opportunity to do something wrong, be it going into my neighbor's house, be it sneaking around at night, just to sort of, I guess, activate some part of me that I felt needed to be activated.

I would act out just minor indiscretions to the extent that I would capitalize on any opportunity to do something wrong, be it going into my neighbor's house, be it sneaking around at night, just to sort of, I guess, activate some part of me that I felt needed to be activated.

I would act out just minor indiscretions to the extent that I would capitalize on any opportunity to do something wrong, be it going into my neighbor's house, be it sneaking around at night, just to sort of, I guess, activate some part of me that I felt needed to be activated.

But on the day that I assaulted a child, I remember feeling that I had been doing, engaging in all of these minor, in my perspective, transgressions. And they weren't working or they weren't working the way that they had been. And I was standing next to this child who was, she was a bully, which is not to say she was deserving, but I remember she was poking and prodding.

But on the day that I assaulted a child, I remember feeling that I had been doing, engaging in all of these minor, in my perspective, transgressions. And they weren't working or they weren't working the way that they had been. And I was standing next to this child who was, she was a bully, which is not to say she was deserving, but I remember she was poking and prodding.

But on the day that I assaulted a child, I remember feeling that I had been doing, engaging in all of these minor, in my perspective, transgressions. And they weren't working or they weren't working the way that they had been. And I was standing next to this child who was, she was a bully, which is not to say she was deserving, but I remember she was poking and prodding.

And I just remember taking a pencil and just turning and stabbing her with it. And And understanding that it was wrong, I wasn't getting off on this child being hurt or in pain, but some part of me understood that that would neutralize this pressure that had been building and it did.

And I just remember taking a pencil and just turning and stabbing her with it. And And understanding that it was wrong, I wasn't getting off on this child being hurt or in pain, but some part of me understood that that would neutralize this pressure that had been building and it did.

And I just remember taking a pencil and just turning and stabbing her with it. And And understanding that it was wrong, I wasn't getting off on this child being hurt or in pain, but some part of me understood that that would neutralize this pressure that had been building and it did.

And worse, it didn't just neutralize the pressure, but it resulted in a type of euphoria that I remember feeling and also understanding, oh man, I can't get used to this. Like this isn't something that I can do.

And worse, it didn't just neutralize the pressure, but it resulted in a type of euphoria that I remember feeling and also understanding, oh man, I can't get used to this. Like this isn't something that I can do.

And worse, it didn't just neutralize the pressure, but it resulted in a type of euphoria that I remember feeling and also understanding, oh man, I can't get used to this. Like this isn't something that I can do.