Paul Brunson

We have to prioritize our relationship with our partner. We have to prioritize this. We have to figure out when we can build in time to talk. And we have to actually talk about the real things. I'm willing to bet –

We have to prioritize our relationship with our partner. We have to prioritize this. We have to figure out when we can build in time to talk. And we have to actually talk about the real things. I'm willing to bet –

that most men don't even realize, especially in heterosexual relationships, heteronormative relationships, most men don't even realize that their partner doesn't even orgasm when they have sex. Like you look at the orgasm gap and you say, oh my God, you have... Men orgasming at 95% and women at roughly 65%, maybe a little bit higher in these committed relationships.

that most men don't even realize, especially in heterosexual relationships, heteronormative relationships, most men don't even realize that their partner doesn't even orgasm when they have sex. Like you look at the orgasm gap and you say, oh my God, you have... Men orgasming at 95% and women at roughly 65%, maybe a little bit higher in these committed relationships.

That means that there's a significant percentage that never orgasm. I bet you their partner has no idea. No idea. Why? Because there hasn't been a conversation around it. Now, the issue is a two-way street. It's not only the man's issue that he needs to be aware and have the conversation, but she also needs to be able to tell him. But you know why she probably doesn't tell him? Because...

That means that there's a significant percentage that never orgasm. I bet you their partner has no idea. No idea. Why? Because there hasn't been a conversation around it. Now, the issue is a two-way street. It's not only the man's issue that he needs to be aware and have the conversation, but she also needs to be able to tell him. But you know why she probably doesn't tell him? Because...

She doesn't want to hurt his feelings. She has not, she's not been having an orgasm for the last 10 years. So she feels like if she brings it up now, it's going to be detrimental to the relationship. So she's trying to protect him, right? Or she's embarrassed or whatever it may be. He is completely oblivious and unaware and they never talk about their sex life.

She doesn't want to hurt his feelings. She has not, she's not been having an orgasm for the last 10 years. So she feels like if she brings it up now, it's going to be detrimental to the relationship. So she's trying to protect him, right? Or she's embarrassed or whatever it may be. He is completely oblivious and unaware and they never talk about their sex life.

A matter of fact, their sex life is a script. which is typically most people's sex life. It's just a script. It's two or three moves that are done, man orgasms, woman doesn't, that's it. Think of how powerful it would be if they could just simply have dialogue and discussion.

A matter of fact, their sex life is a script. which is typically most people's sex life. It's just a script. It's two or three moves that are done, man orgasms, woman doesn't, that's it. Think of how powerful it would be if they could just simply have dialogue and discussion.

It's hard to start that behavior, though. I imagine in your relationship with Jill, you guys are pretty advanced, right? So if you're level one, what's level one in karate? Is it like a white belt? Oh, yeah, white belt. You feel like a white belt in this stuff. There's been 10 years you and your partner just really don't talk about these things. It's kind of always been the elephant in the room.

It's hard to start that behavior, though. I imagine in your relationship with Jill, you guys are pretty advanced, right? So if you're level one, what's level one in karate? Is it like a white belt? Oh, yeah, white belt. You feel like a white belt in this stuff. There's been 10 years you and your partner just really don't talk about these things. It's kind of always been the elephant in the room.

Loads of words have been unsaid. What would you suggest as like a good starting point to get the ball rolling in this direction?

Loads of words have been unsaid. What would you suggest as like a good starting point to get the ball rolling in this direction?

All right. I like this. So baby steps. So in the book, I talk about how we have to normalize the fact that we will be attracted to people other than our partner. No one wants to talk about that.

All right. I like this. So baby steps. So in the book, I talk about how we have to normalize the fact that we will be attracted to people other than our partner. No one wants to talk about that.

But to your question of what do you do if you're level one in your relationship is you start with these baby steps. So Jill and myself, we had to start around this topic of attraction because I had a very hard time just thinking about my wife being attracted to someone else. I couldn't fathom it, the jealousy, the anxiety, the anxiousness. I have an anxious attachment style.

But to your question of what do you do if you're level one in your relationship is you start with these baby steps. So Jill and myself, we had to start around this topic of attraction because I had a very hard time just thinking about my wife being attracted to someone else. I couldn't fathom it, the jealousy, the anxiety, the anxiousness. I have an anxious attachment style.

So it just, it was just fear, right? And there are many different things that you can do, but I'll give two. One is that you just have to normalize that these behaviors are a part of our human experience. We'll all have physical attraction. Some of us will have sexual attraction. Some of us will have emotional attraction to people who are not our partners. If anyone denies it, they are lying.

So it just, it was just fear, right? And there are many different things that you can do, but I'll give two. One is that you just have to normalize that these behaviors are a part of our human experience. We'll all have physical attraction. Some of us will have sexual attraction. Some of us will have emotional attraction to people who are not our partners. If anyone denies it, they are lying.