Paul Brunson

Okay? This is one. We have to normalize this. We normalize it. Then we begin having conversations around it. So what my wife and I did around this, and she will hate me for saying this, but I wrote this in the book, so it's cool, is we started talking about celebrities. Easy, low-level way. People who are arm-length distance. Who do you find attractive? Blah, blah, blah. I saw that my wife...

Okay? This is one. We have to normalize this. We normalize it. Then we begin having conversations around it. So what my wife and I did around this, and she will hate me for saying this, but I wrote this in the book, so it's cool, is we started talking about celebrities. Easy, low-level way. People who are arm-length distance. Who do you find attractive? Blah, blah, blah. I saw that my wife...

as does, I think, 99.999% of women and men loves Idris Elba. She's like, Idris is it. To the point where I was like, will you leave me for... I think she will leave me for Idris Elba. It's like, she will definitely leave me for this man. But we begin having conversations around it. It becomes a bit of a joke, right? It is embedded in our... in the normalization of it. And then...

as does, I think, 99.999% of women and men loves Idris Elba. She's like, Idris is it. To the point where I was like, will you leave me for... I think she will leave me for Idris Elba. It's like, she will definitely leave me for this man. But we begin having conversations around it. It becomes a bit of a joke, right? It is embedded in our... in the normalization of it. And then...

I begin to do what I call taking my thoughts to court. Take your thoughts to court, right? Whereas I would identify, okay, what is the issue? What's the emotion? It's actually fear. If Jill's talking about someone else, it was fear. But then I draw on that fear. What am I in fear of? I'm in fear of her leaving me. She's just going to leave me, right? but then take that thought to court.

I begin to do what I call taking my thoughts to court. Take your thoughts to court, right? Whereas I would identify, okay, what is the issue? What's the emotion? It's actually fear. If Jill's talking about someone else, it was fear. But then I draw on that fear. What am I in fear of? I'm in fear of her leaving me. She's just going to leave me, right? but then take that thought to court.

What are the facts that I have to support or discredit those feelings? Well, I've been with Jill for 20 plus years, right? We have a high level of satisfaction. It's normal to have attraction, right? So you take your thoughts to court and then you could begin to recalibrate your perspective on the thing.

What are the facts that I have to support or discredit those feelings? Well, I've been with Jill for 20 plus years, right? We have a high level of satisfaction. It's normal to have attraction, right? So you take your thoughts to court and then you could begin to recalibrate your perspective on the thing.

So it gets to the point where, do you know that every anniversary, Jill gets the biggest bouquet of flowers from Idris Elba. I write, love Idris Elba. So I'm writing. So I've now, it's now, it's moved to a point where I couldn't even stand this idea to now it's so normalized. It's jokes about it. So it's very important for us to normalize, have these conversations, take our thoughts to court.

So it gets to the point where, do you know that every anniversary, Jill gets the biggest bouquet of flowers from Idris Elba. I write, love Idris Elba. So I'm writing. So I've now, it's now, it's moved to a point where I couldn't even stand this idea to now it's so normalized. It's jokes about it. So it's very important for us to normalize, have these conversations, take our thoughts to court.

And if we are, and we have to realize this, and I wrote about this in the book, is that it is also healthy conversation. to have doubts about your relationship. We're told that if you're in the greatest relationship, if you found your soulmate, you should never have doubts. Myth, myth, right? It's healthy to have doubts, but there are healthy doubts and there's unhealthy doubts.

And if we are, and we have to realize this, and I wrote about this in the book, is that it is also healthy conversation. to have doubts about your relationship. We're told that if you're in the greatest relationship, if you found your soulmate, you should never have doubts. Myth, myth, right? It's healthy to have doubts, but there are healthy doubts and there's unhealthy doubts.

If it is a doubt that is about the growth of your relationship, That's healthy to express that. If it is a doubt that is predicated in your own fear or your anxieties or your traumas, that's unhealthy. So to know that informs how Jill and I have tackled that idea of anxiety. Let's normalize the conversation. Is this a healthy doubt? It is. Let's build this into our relationship.

If it is a doubt that is about the growth of your relationship, That's healthy to express that. If it is a doubt that is predicated in your own fear or your anxieties or your traumas, that's unhealthy. So to know that informs how Jill and I have tackled that idea of anxiety. Let's normalize the conversation. Is this a healthy doubt? It is. Let's build this into our relationship.

So Jill, so I know Jill adores Idris Elba and she knows I would leave her for Beyonce.

So Jill, so I know Jill adores Idris Elba and she knows I would leave her for Beyonce.

Yeah, I mean, that's fair. Yeah, I can just imagine that I've got a certain type of listener who is more, how would you word it? advanced in terms of the like belt you know when i talked about white belts and black belts more advanced in their curiosity their um intrigue their willingness to like develop and evolve in the relationship i would bet and this is stereotyping i understand

Yeah, I mean, that's fair. Yeah, I can just imagine that I've got a certain type of listener who is more, how would you word it? advanced in terms of the like belt you know when i talked about white belts and black belts more advanced in their curiosity their um intrigue their willingness to like develop and evolve in the relationship i would bet and this is stereotyping i understand

that it's typically women more than men that are like more open-minded to like learn, to grow, to deepen the bond. I think it's typically women more than men. I would hazard a guess that it's more women buying your books than men. Yes.

that it's typically women more than men that are like more open-minded to like learn, to grow, to deepen the bond. I think it's typically women more than men. I would hazard a guess that it's more women buying your books than men. Yes.