Paul Brunson

So therefore, if you are on a date and you have an anxious attachment style or you have an avoidant attachment style and you have someone in front of you who is the perfect match for you, they're ticking off all the boxes.

So therefore, if you are on a date and you have an anxious attachment style or you have an avoidant attachment style and you have someone in front of you who is the perfect match for you, they're ticking off all the boxes.

you could be so anxious or so avoidant that you push them away or you lay blame to a certain characteristic or a trait that they have that means nothing to the relationship and you dismiss them. You know, this is going to sound funny, but it's sad, is do you know what we found when we were matchmaking, what the number one reason why people did not allow someone to get a second date with them?

you could be so anxious or so avoidant that you push them away or you lay blame to a certain characteristic or a trait that they have that means nothing to the relationship and you dismiss them. You know, this is going to sound funny, but it's sad, is do you know what we found when we were matchmaking, what the number one reason why people did not allow someone to get a second date with them?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

They had a Velcro wallet. Velcro wallets are cool though. No, they're not. No, they're not. You can't, no.

They had a Velcro wallet. Velcro wallets are cool though. No, they're not. No, they're not. You can't, no.

All right. So you know what it was? It was around attraction. So when it was, you know, physical attraction, but in particular it was, Because they smelled. Really? They had bad breath, halitosis, right? Or there was some odor. Now, you can argue that scent plays a strong role in our partner selection. Dr. Tara Swart talks about this quite a bit, right?

All right. So you know what it was? It was around attraction. So when it was, you know, physical attraction, but in particular it was, Because they smelled. Really? They had bad breath, halitosis, right? Or there was some odor. Now, you can argue that scent plays a strong role in our partner selection. Dr. Tara Swart talks about this quite a bit, right?

So there's an evolutionary biology that comes with scent. Yes, I agree. But to look across from someone and say, you know what, like your breath stinks, right? Yeah. And I'm not going to give up the second date. And as a result of your breath stinks, you have long fingernails, you're in a track suit, right?

So there's an evolutionary biology that comes with scent. Yes, I agree. But to look across from someone and say, you know what, like your breath stinks, right? Yeah. And I'm not going to give up the second date. And as a result of your breath stinks, you have long fingernails, you're in a track suit, right?

To look at these moments and say, because of this thing, I'm going to dismiss you as a partner. I think for a lot of people sounds logical, but then for a lot of people sounds ridiculous. You know what I mean? Now... How you got to that point is the challenge.

To look at these moments and say, because of this thing, I'm going to dismiss you as a partner. I think for a lot of people sounds logical, but then for a lot of people sounds ridiculous. You know what I mean? Now... How you got to that point is the challenge.

If you think it's ridiculous how you got to assuming that because someone has a tracksuit on, because they have long fingernails, it dismisses their... their validity of being a great partner, that is about you. That is about you, your attachment. That is about how you've been socialized.

If you think it's ridiculous how you got to assuming that because someone has a tracksuit on, because they have long fingernails, it dismisses their... their validity of being a great partner, that is about you. That is about you, your attachment. That is about how you've been socialized.

So I would argue that people who are going on lots and lots and lots of dates and they still can't feel like they can find the right partner, the first place to look at is yourself.

So I would argue that people who are going on lots and lots and lots of dates and they still can't feel like they can find the right partner, the first place to look at is yourself.

I do wonder this, because I think the more dates you go on, the more reference points of comparison you then have for the next person. So date 101, if you've been on 100 previously, you've now got 100 guys who are maybe all good at one thing, and date 101... is going to be compared to the previous 100 on all factors. So maybe date 49 had great sense of humor. Date 53 was rich.

I do wonder this, because I think the more dates you go on, the more reference points of comparison you then have for the next person. So date 101, if you've been on 100 previously, you've now got 100 guys who are maybe all good at one thing, and date 101... is going to be compared to the previous 100 on all factors. So maybe date 49 had great sense of humor. Date 53 was rich.